Reflections of the Heart

I know I know it's unbelieveable

2007-01-15T08:43:00.000-06:00

And no one will prolly even read this b/c ya'll are used to seeing nothing here :o) Just a quick (and I mean quick as I'm at work) FYI...I'm done with all my classes for my Masters...just my thesis left (unless I decided to wimp out and test out)...I now have a 3.92 GPA (pooey!!! Damn A-)...anyways, I also now work at Express Personnel Services here in Springfield IL as a Staffing Consultant!!!!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it! It's one of my 2 dream jobs (HR or teaching higher education), so I'm thinking that after I finish this Master's thing, I may try to adjunct teach at night and then I'll have both of my dream jobs and be GTG :o)...I am working some helluv hours (11 per day usually) but I'm still loving it...so if ya'll don't see me that's why.

In unrelated, but more exciting news...my beautiful niece Ciera Nikole Hood was born December 4, 2006...it was a crazy scary time...she was born not breathing and was in NICU for a week...on top of that my sister in law had some complications, but all is well now and she's beautiful :o)

Other than that and the normal craziness that comes with a new baby, the integration of families into step families (my daddy getting married), and the transition to a new job...all is pretty much the same :o)

Political Posting for the year

2006-08-14T11:26:00.000-05:00

Alright, ya'll know I don't usually take STRONG stands on politics. I have them, but I usually don't share them. Got on a roll this weekend/morning. Sorry!

WARNING AND DISCLAIMER…RIGHT WING POLITICAL STATEMENT BEGINS NOW…IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY SUCH STATEMENTS, DON’T READ IT! Comments welcome :o)

Good morning dear readers :o) I’d like to introduce you all to someone I recently discovered. Her name is Ann Coulter. I’m sure some of you are familiar with her already, however, it wasn’t until my Daddy started pointing out her articles and sharing them with me that I became familiar…and possibly even obsessed… with her. I don’t 100% agree with everything she says, but I agree with a lot of it. I respect her gumption, her bluntness, and her tenacity. She’s one sassy lady! In fact, I have to say that I was shocked that she isn’t a liberal, as her aggressive, and yes, more often than not, abrasive, attitude is so stereotypically liberal that even my father, Mr. Democrat himself, LOVES her (and incidentally was SHOCKED that she’s an ultra conservative, far right wing Christian). Let me give you some examples, dear readers. The following are bold, aggressive, and brutally blunt quotes from Ann.

"Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now."

“There was an absence of the sort of trauma that would deprive me of normal, instinctual reactions to things. I had happily married parents, a warm and loving family, and a happy childhood with lots of friends. Thus, there were no neurotic incidents to turn me into a liberal.”

“That's the beauty of [liberals] controlling all major sources of news dissemination in America. It ensures that liberals will never have to learn how to argue beyond the level of a six-year old".

As previously mentioned, I’ve become rather obsessed with the woman which actually is what causes the obsession. I’m fascinated by the fact that either a. people LOVE Ann, and I mean fanatically love her, or b. they HATE Ann, and I mean fanatically hate her. From a communication standpoint this has great implications. In cases where the supporters of a communicator are extreme supporters and the contesters are extreme contesters, usually indicate that the message being communicated has a solid ring of truth (not in all cases, but in most). Opposition to a message is never strong unless the message has enough a. credibility, b. proof, or c. truth to it to actually warrant opposition. For example, no one is going to argue with someone claiming that Sadaam should be released from prison and allowed to run for President in the next election. The claim is too ludicris for anyone to bother opposing. That statement would be given the response it’s due, which is no response at all. Which makes me wonder, the more I read Ann and the more I read ABOUT Ann, why, do all the liberal naysayers who obviously hate her so much, spend so much time on her? For example, Bryant Gumble, SPORTS reporter here people SPORTS not politics, gets a dig in on Ann as often as humanly possible. Come’on, that only strengthens her argument when she equates liberals with six-year olds. Liberals hate that she has her following, that she is requested as a guest on such shows as “Hardball”, that with increasing frequency, the average news reader knows her name with the same similarity as Katie Couric or Dan Rather (or they did in Dan’s case), however, liberals create at least 40% of the buzz surrounding this woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it, because I do think that, while Ann is a bit more extremist than I am comfortable with at the moment, she’s definitely pointing people in the right direction (pun intended hehehe).

On a side note, I was up until the wee hours of the morning watching C-Span’s coverage of an appearance by Ann to discuss her latest book Godless: The Church of Liberalism. I didn’t actually catch it in enough time to hear her speech, just the Q and A at the end. It was great! Funny and provocative and right one target many times. The two things I took away most are the following.
1. I wish I could find a transcript of this because Ann said the following with more finesse than I’ll be able to paraphrase, but I enjoyed her comments about College Republicans very much. She basically pointed out that the country thinks that College Democrats are the brave, bold ones, but they aren’t. They are the mainstream. They are the conformists. It’s College Republicans who are the brave, bold students. It is College Republicans who are underrepresented on campuses, outnumbered in populations, scorned by peers and professors (as the disturbing majority of college campus’s employ only extreme leftists (see David Horowitz’s The Professor: The 101 Most Dangerous Academics in America) which is actually apparent at my own institution as any class can, and has, turned into a platform for the prof’s personal, leftist, political views rather than the subject matter at hand). It is College Republicans who speak out and stay true to their beliefs and values that actually exhibit true bravery and nonconformity. GREAT point Ann!
2. And, then I enjoyed her view on the role of states within this nation. As she pointed out, the original Constitution of the United States gave a great majority of power to the individual states, far more power than states have today. The original intent of the founding fathers was to have a nation which embraced diversity and allowed for diversity. The original intent was for the federal government to act in matters of foreign policy and to ensure BASIC, FUNDAMENTAL, HUMAN right such as freedom to state opinion without being killed, freedom to worship when and where you please without being harassed and threatened with imprisonment and/or death, freedom to protect yourself and your family, freedom to be innocent until proven guilty, freedom from being tortured for confessions against yourself or your spouse, etc (See Bill of Rights). However, the Constitution’s intent was then that all other social issues (as social issues are inherently moral issues) be decided by the individual states. For example, if a state wants to ban abortion, gay marriage, premarital sex, etc (basically any social issue that isn’t covered in the original bill of rights because let’s face it people, all of these issues, abortion, gay rights, sexual right, etc are NOT new concepts, they were here when the founding fathers constructed the Constitution and these social issues were left out for a reason!), then the state has the RIGHT to decide these social issues. If you don’t like the decision, move to a different state that has decided that it will legalize abortion, gay marriage and promotes premarital sex!!!!!!! THAT’S the freedom that the founding father’s wanted for this nation. Yes, they wanted the diversity, but they also wanted a safe division, free from persecution, free from being forced to relax or redefine personal moral standards. However, these social issues are not being left solely to the state. No, the federal government, wary of giving ANY power to the states, steps in and places NATIONAL laws which cover issues which were not theirs to begin with.

Okie Dokie Dear Readers, I do believe I’m done with my rant now :o) And may be for a while, that’s the most political talk I’ve done in a long time!

****Addition**** Ok I forgot. There was another observation by Ann that made me go hmmm in her interview. She pointed out two contradictory views within the mainstream democratic party. 1. Gays are born the way they are and 2. Sex offenders can be rehabilitated and allowed to interact with the object of their offense again. Now I’m not arguing that either of these points is incorrect, because honestly, I haven’t done enough research myself to argue one way or the other with actual reasoning (yes I have instinctive opinions, but not necessarily educated ones). However, I have to agree that these two beliefs are at stark opposition with each other. Either we are born with one sexual predilection (whether it be a sexual predilection for partners of the same sex, partners who are much younger, partners who are much older, partners who are unwilling, etc) and there is no changing or “rehabilitating” it, or we aren’t “born” that way and our sexual predilections are our choice and can therefore be changed or “rehabilitated”. I’m curious and have a question to my democratic readers. Which IS it that ya’ll believe?

Prepare Thyself...Quiz Mania

2006-08-08T12:05:00.000-05:00

Can you tell that our system was down for a while at work??? LOL

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

You Passed 8th Grade US History

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade History?

You Are a Phoenix

Driven and ambitious, you tend to acquire material success easily.
You have grand schemes - both for your own life and for changing the whole world.
You are a great leader, and you have no problem taking the reigns.
However, you aren't all business. You also have great talents for performing and visual arts.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Your EQ is 127

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

You Are A Hazelnut Tree

You're a charmer with a killer sense of humor.
You are very demanding, but you can also be very understanding.
No matter what, you always make a lasting impression - you're quite popular.
Passionate, you are an active fighter for social causes and politics.
In general, you are moody, honest, a perfectionist, and very sexual.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

American Cities That Best Fit You::

55% Austin

55% Miami

55% Washington, DC

50% Atlanta

50% Chicago

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Your Linguistic Profile:

75% General American English

10% Dixie

10% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

You Are 74% American

Most times you are proud to be an American.
Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe
Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home.
You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

How American Are You?

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 9/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Tarot Card

2006-08-08T10:43:00.000-05:00

Ok so anyone who knows me knows that I don't believe in astrology or horoscopes or tarot cards except for fun entertainment....however, I just did this "What Tarot Card" are you quiz where all I did was put in my darn name that's it, no other questions, just my name....well let's just say I was amazed and astounded by the accuracy of this!!!!!!!!!! I read some of the others and this one definitely fits me most right now w/the leaving job etc...how FREAKY is that???? Anyway, check it out!

You Are The Fool

You are a fascinating person who is way beyond the concerns of this world.
Young at heart, you are blissfully unaware of any dangers ahead.
You are a true wanderer - it has be difficult finding your place in this world.
Full of confidence, you are likely to take a leap of faith.

Your fortune:

You are about to embark on a new phase in your life.
This may mean changing locations, jobs, friends, or love status.
You are open about what the future will bring, and free of worry.
You have made your peace with fate, and you're ready to start down your new path.

What Tarot Card Are You?

New Car

2006-08-07T14:56:00.000-05:00

Well I got my new car this weekend...It was a really weird experience which I'll share later in the week when I have more time :o) I DIDN'T go with the convertible. Here's a pic of my new, blue granite metallic (meaning she's blue sometimes and gray at other times :o) ) car, Dixie (b/c her color reminds me of Confederate Gray!)

WOW long time no see

2006-08-03T15:18:00.000-05:00

WOW...where to even start! Sorry for the long time no post...I have had no life since I got on this project at work. (ie. taking it home EVERY night and that's been about my life....damn to think I wasted my summer on this place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Ok so some of the highlights

1. Family reunion was a blast...I miss my cousins but got great cousin time this past weekend :o) Hood cousins ROCK!

2. I quit my job (well resigned actually)...my "official" last day is August 18th...nope, I have no where else to go, but I'm cool with that...I have several things in the works and had an interview yesterday, one today, and one tomorrow, so I'm not overly concerned. But I'm sooooooooo incredibly HAPPY to be getting out of this place!

3. Let's see, those are pretty much the biggies. In fact, can't think of much else.......oh wait...car shopping this weekend b/c mine bit the big one and will be cheaper to replace than fix! I'm looking at a sebring convertible! so keep your fingers crossed on that working out.

4. other than that seriously that's about it on big things...school starts back up in a couple of weeks, a couple of weddings coming up next weekend, phil vassar and carrie underwood concert coming up...otherwise life as usual...getting ready for the baby...chillin' with my peeps...sending out resume's...that's my life right now!!!! (which may sound boring, but compared to the work work work it has been, I'm thrilled!!!!!!!!!!)

Peace out and maybe a thought provoking post soon...maybe :o)

Catch Up Post

2006-07-12T15:53:00.000-05:00

Faithful readers, I am still alive :o) I know I know...long time no post but life's been kinda crazy lately (lol I know when is it not?) but seriously a good thermometer for my crazy life is how often I get online...If I get online multiple times a day....life's pretty normal....If I can only get online once a day, it's gotten pretty busy and crazy....and if I can't get online at least once a day.....it's beyond crazy insane! Since last night was the first time I've actually gotten online since June 28th, that tells you a little something about what the past couple of weeks have been!!!!!!

I'm sorry for the brevity of these items, but as a lot has happened and I'd like to catch ya'll up, time demands the accounting of the events of the last 2 weeks be brief.

1. Went on Vacation :o) Yay! It was good to just get away and hang out with Mama...did a lot of reading...a lot of sitting by the pool...a lot of swimming...attempted some outdoorsy stuff but it was icky hot out so went to the mall instead (hear me complaining? nope not even a little bit ;o) )...nearly stepped on a cottonmouth (yes it's been identified now :o) )....got to watch fireworks the last 3 nights of vacation which was GREAT...heard a great band from a town that's a blip on the map and who plays out of the back of a semi trailer but had the best looking guy with this AMAZING voice as lead singer so :o)...let's see what else from vaca...got to go to the Americana Hollywood museum which was cool....whole rooms dedicated to Marilyn Monroe, The Duke, Bogart, etc (and then random whole rooms dedicated to people such as Pamela Anderson...like I said RANDOM)...the bed and breakfast was pretty and the whirlpool great :o)....the drive was beautiful and not as long as I'd thought it would be...all in all, a great relaxing trip :o)

2. Six flags with the YAMs on the 4th! FUN FUN FUN...lots of motion pills b/c I'm not as young as I used to be and one disappointing/extremely frustrating moment with the new Superman ride, but basically it was short lines, good food, good rides and GREAT people, fireworks were good....front row for Batman's last ride of the day in the dark was UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!....Colossus in the dark with area fireworks all around and singing patriotic songs was definitely the highlight for me though :o) At the risk of disappointing Tracey, I ENJOY unified shows of patriotism/nationalism and really I enjoy and get a lot of personal satisfaction out of group activities, group singing, oh I don't know how to word it but I like the masses so there :o)

3. Work has been kicking my ass....this project is now officially what is today Wednesday??? ok so we are officially 4 days behind schedule now which is ok b/c right now I'm cleaning up some stuff that we have to have right before the next step (if step one ever goes through which I'm beginning to doubt) can start so this extra time has been good for that and also because my partner in crime for this project, Teri, has been gone for 2 days so I didn't have to input 173 contracts worth of info myself (we'll do it together when she gets back)...but honestly, I rarely go home anymore without my head killing me and I rarely go home anymore without my work...I've been doing pretty well at not bringing my work home for the weekend but usually bring it home all 4 weeknights (and have even been wrangling Daddy and Lynda (his fiancee.....btw the wedding is May 19th of next year...ya'll should come...having a hog roast blow out party!!!!!!!!!) into helping me with the work...now that's saying something)

4. Say Pirates II....I have to say I was utterly disappointed...first it was disgusting...so what if you win an oscar for costume design??? (which is possible because the costumes were amazingly creative) but if you gross out your audience to the point that they never want to see it again or worse, leave because they can't stand it now, who cares about the oscar??????????...I was also disappointed in the introduction of various plot lines with abosolutely NO RESOLUTION...it was without a doubt the worst to be continued I have ever had the misfortune of viewing...seriously there is a fine art to the to be continued...for example, LOTR...GOOD use of the to be continued...there was resolution with just enough non-resolution to keep the audience coming back for more...Pirates II is more of a to be continued which pisses the audience off to the degree that they'd boycott the franchise just to make a point...let me reiterate...know your audience...when you're making a film that is literally just to cater to the action/adventure/romance desires of the mass population (ie. not a political film, documentary etc, etc, etc) simply a fluff film for entertainment...ENTERTAIN DAMNIT which means don't gross out or piss off your core audience/customer...On a minor note...I DETEST what they did to Elizabeth's character and if anyone's seen it and would like to dialog about that aspect of the movie, I'm very game to that...I need some discourse on it or I may never recover.

5. Whitney and Zack's wedding was gorgeous, good food, great DJ...loved the dancing...good time all around.

6. LOTR marathon on Sunday...this was necessary after the debacle that is Pirates II (and truthfully the disappointment that was X3 as well)...it gave me back hope in movie franchise business...everyone should have a LOTR marathon every now and then to remind us why we keep the movie business in business.

7. Upcoming events.....Saturday 07/15/2006 FREE Car Wash at K-Mart on Clear Lake and Dirksen in Springfield, IL 10am-2pm. Come on down, I'll be there until noon :o)......Tuesday July 18, engagement party for Miah and Sarah....Saturday July 22...last free Saturday from now until after school starts!!!!!!!!!!!!!......Saturday July 29th, Hood Family Reunion......Saturday August 5th, working the vodka lemonade stand at the Anchor Boat Club Chicken Fry....Saturday August 12, Sarah and Miah wedding at 4 pm and Nic and Em wedding at 4 pm (I know I need to figure out how to clone myself before then...suggestions????????????).....Saturday, August 19..oh hey wait ok well as of right now the 19th is free too yipee.... and then school starts, I can't even believe it!

And that dear readers is the very basic rundown of my life since the last time I've had time to post properly...something deeper next time I hope :o)

This is your hostess signing off! Over and Out.

Da Plane Da Plane

2006-06-28T08:14:00.000-05:00

Ok quick update post since it may be a while before I get another chance.

1. Vaca plans for Friday thru Monday are finished, packing will commence tonight and mom and I are underway early Friday morning!!!!!!!!! YAY! I can't wait! We have revised our itinerary a bit to include not so much hiking and more lounging by the pool which is way cool with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. Cleaned my room Saturday and organized EVERYTHING...it's is awesome and everything is categorized and I love it! It's amazing how good organization can make a person feel :o)

3. Air Rendevous with Dan and Chass on Sunday was pretty cool. Well actually it was really hot and even after 6 applications of 50 SPF sun block I came away bearing a close family resemblance to a lobster (though poor Chass is peeling hers is so bad!!!!!)...all in all it was a good day :o)

4. Got everything out of mom's house and now just have to unpack it at daddy's into my nice organized room...hmmm that may or may not be successful...I'm running out of room.

5. Work does NOT get a shout out right now and we'll leave it at that.

6. Thanks to Bethany S. for this wonderful little clip. I laffed and laffed this morning and I need that! Thanks Bethany S!!!!!!!!! http://easylink.playstream.com/cccmedia/cccmedia/daseussicode.wvx

Boy Talk

2006-06-24T00:31:00.000-05:00

Ok so I know I said I wasn't going to post tonight but I'm still awake so here we go...

1. see post below because it's important

2. Road Rally post will come I promise :o) but for tonight we're talking boys, or men or whatever...they have penises let's just go with that.

So the blind date last night??? Remember when I said what harm can dinner do? A LOT let me just tell you. Note to others...don't let your friends who are BARELY past aquaintances set you up...if you do ever actually allow yourself to be set up, make sure it's your best friend who knows you better than you know yourself...otherwise...disaster in the making...here's a brief list why

1. I need a guy who talks...I'm not saying I need one who never shuts up...but one who at least can carry a conversation with another human being...and yes I know nerves play a part on a first date...but seriously if anyone knows me they know that being able to carry on a conversation is #1 supreme on my list of potential mate and if a guy can't do a passable job on a first date, it's never going to go further...last night no sentence was beyond 3 words and that was with prompting...sorry can't do it...I talk to myself ALL the time, I don't need a man in my life for that I can do it fine on my own.
2. When you ask a woman out on a date, and men pay especially close attention to this, at least OFFER to pay...if the woman then insists on paying give in gracefully, but don't, I repeat DON'T start a date with "these will be separate checks" and if your friend does it for you (because you brought a long a buddy to be safe) jump in and contradict the separate checks statement. The woman should be required to INSIST upon paying if that was her intention not told she is paying!!!!
3. Men, on a first date don't ever say "oh" in a disgusted tone when you ask her a question and don't like the answer...at least attempt to be polite in your rudeness...it is possible, women do it ALL the time...for example "oh" in a "that's interesting...i guess" tone is better than the "oh" in an "eww who's into THAT?" tone! KK?? Men are you writing this down?????

Ok enough about the date from hell...it occurs to me that this is the second week in a row that I have received visits from the "bad love life" fairy. Since ya'll don't know since I forgot to blog about it...I DID NOT meet Nick...in fact, Nick and I are no longer on speaking terms...I cried about it...a lot...and then I got angry. Allow me to share the story faithful blog readers.

So Nick calls me on Wednesday night of last week wanting to know if I was still planning on coming on Saturday. I answer honestly, since that's been a huge tenant for our whateveryoucallit and say "I want to but I don't at the same time...I'm nervous and frankly a bit scared about a. the time frame (10 pm-5 am and true it's st. louis so there are other options than the obvious however...) b. my self esteem can't take the hit of rejection based on looks...(dear faithful blog readers the last pic he saw of me was six years ago when I was several dozen pounds lighter)...his response was, and I quote word for word here "whatever, when you figure it out call me" *click* hang up the phone...I cried then I got mad which bothered me a bit because come on what kind of emotional attachment is already there if my first reaction was crying when it truly should have been anger???? So anyways, then we talk Saturday morning and he asks for an apology because I really hurt him...so what do I do??? I apologize for hurting him...and then I said, but could you explain how I hurt you...and his response was...ok are you ready for it...here it comes...his response was "your insecurity is insulting and rude"...there I had the proper response and I got angry and bitter words were exchanged involving lots of whatevers and a bit of profanity and name calling and the conversation ended with him saying fine then if you can't understand that your insecurity is rude then lose my number and let this be the last time we talk and my response was fine it's lost *click*...and so dies the whateveryoucallit with Nick...good news is I only cried for about 3 hours after that then I got a grip, moved on and decided I was going to take Bill up on his offer of setting me up.

So the moral to this whole boy talk discussion is

Never make snap decisions regarding blind dates after talking to asshole pilots.

Thank you for tuning into this weeks episode of As the World Spins Out of Control...stay tuned next week for a new and exciting chapter (maybe)

Peace out and goodnight

Road Rally Ramblings Coming Soon

2006-06-23T23:59:00.000-05:00

For right now all I have to say because it's very late is

I love my sister more than life itself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She's wonderful and fabulous and every other good word you can think of!

Love you baby sister!

Of blind dates and books

2006-06-22T12:06:00.000-05:00

I know I know I haven't posted in like forever (hear the valley girl voice)....but c'est la vie! Here's a succinct update.

1. I hate moving (I must move all my stuff back from my mom's to my dad's as my bro and girlfriend are moving back in with mom)
2. I hate doing the same thing 5 times (which my work forever seems to be demanding)
3. I hate feeling icky (which I still am, though good news my blood work came back fine and I have no gallstones, though my gallbladder is inflamed, whatever that means...the acid reduction medication is at least helping but dammit I want to be able to eat again w/o fear of horrible stomach cramps!!!!!!!!! Oh cruel world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
4. I hate anticipating first dates (I have one tonight, and actually it's a blind date as well...ick!!! He's older than me, which in and of itself isn't a problem, and he has kids, which, again in and of itself isn't a problem, but I don't know if I wanna get into all that ya know????, but dinner can't hurt I suppose *sigh*)
5. 8 days until vacation (YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
6. Office closes at 1 tomorrow (ditto above)
7. Road Rally tomorrow (ditto ditto above)
8. In a funk...miss my mom...miss my sis...but then again I miss my daddy when I'm with mom or sis....it's no wonder I have stress induced stomach problems *sigh*
9. J.L's new book was out Tuesday...read all 350 pages in about 3 hours! Fabulous...not her BEST malory novel, but definitely right up there
10. Did I mention I hate the anticipation of blind dates??????????????????????????????????
11. www.wdbr.com GO THERE! VOTE! Babes of Springfield (which are babies not women)...#45! I repeat go vote for #45...RIGHT NOW! I mean it, stop reading and go.

That's all for now.

Peace out!

Tummyaches and Elephants

2006-06-12T14:02:00.000-05:00

I am so thankful for fabulous friends. Bethany B. you're the best! She's going to babysit for me tonight since I STILL feel like crap!!!!!!! I am so appreciative it's not even funny!

Also, yes, to those of you naggers, I have scheduled a dr.s appt. to see what's up with the stomachaches, but seriously I'm so sick of stomach cramps I could spit. I was perfectly fine all day yesterday and then this morning at 2:30 I woke up and I was curled in a ball sobbing and once I was awake enough to realize why I was sobbing I was in crazy pain from my stomach cramping again! It's driving me nuts...I ate a very very light lunch today (ie. plain turkey on white bread with nothing on it) and I want to throw up! I thought it was just the flu but come on it's been 10 days!!!!!!!!!!!! Granted there have been times when I felt fine, but by in large, I just feel ick and at least once a day I'm doubled over from the incredibly intense cramping!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aside from the fact that 90% of the time I either had a tummyache because a. I'd eaten or b. I hadn't eaten (which is just actually a slightly less tummyache but then I have a headache on top of it so it's really a catch 22)...this weekend was great....Saturday went to the St. Louis Zoo with Dan and Chas and then went to the Carillon and listened to the bells with Bethany B. in the rain which was actually fun :o) Then went back to Bethany's house for a fun game of spoons and a fabulous glass of strawberry/raspberry lemonade with real fruit slices (Bethany's a GREAT hostess). Then yesterday was feeling blech though no intense pain just feeling blech...so didn't do anything...had a veg day which was GREAT! So all in all the bad is cancelled by the good, and we'll see what the dr. has to say next week (earliest appointment I could get was next Monday!!!!!!!)

Until later...adios amigos & amigas :o)

Scratced Lenses, Honkytonk Badonkadonk, and Phone Romance

2006-06-08T08:35:00.000-05:00

Well...it's official...I love The Wreckers! Really like a lot! Anyways, that was actually an aside.

10 things about me right now.

1. very frustrated by the fact that my scratch-resistant lenses were severely scratched last night and I can barely see out of my left eye because of it...VERY annoying

2. Dan took me for a motorcycle ride last night through the beautiful town of Springfield (esp. downtown yay)...I'm probably one of the only people in the world who thinks downtown Springfield on a summer night is the best place in the world! But I love it! We were going to stop at the new cold stone but at 9:45 at night the line was around the darn block! So, alas, no cold stone as of yet.

3. I have been wearing the same set of press-on nails since last Friday...amazing as they usually only last an hour for me!

4. 15 more work days until vacation

5. 13 more days until the new Malory novel is released (it was supposed to have been released this past Tuesday but the publication date got pushed back...I was NOT a happy camper on Tuesday)

6. speaking of Tuesday, I was sick for four days starting Saturday...missed Chass's graduation and everything. My stomach is still not liking me when I eat which is frustrating as I love food!

7. I feel like a fish out of water at work and I'm really not liking it. It's bad when I'm contemplating purposefully hurting myself (ie. fall down twist an ankle, not be able to go to work for a day or two) to have an excuse not to go to work....hmmm there's a thought.

8. The scratch on my eyeglasses lens is REALLY pissing me off and giving me a headache! grrrrrrrr

9. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Nora Roberts makes me happy :o)

10. I do believe that I'm finally going to meet Nick...I know I know after 6 years, I'm astonished as well. However, he's piloting a flight to St. Louis coming up soon (ie. gets in at 10 pm and has to leave by 5 am but it's closer than Salt Lake City and Seattle once he moves and closer than the Alaska he used to live in and the Arizona that was where he was when we first started this long distance, long time, phone romance flirt thing which is unlabelable.) We'll see if I chicken out, no promises one way or the other.

11. I know I know I said 10 things however, I had to add the fact that no one in my office is working right now because we're discussing the Trace Adkins concert coming up here a week from today and his new song Honkytonk Badonkadonk. Jim (my old boss) is amazed at the title!!!!! It's a funny conversation. I do want to go to the concert but it's Thursday. Joe Nichols (whom I also like but not as much as Trace) is Friday night and I wish they were reversed :o( I also really wanna see Montgomery Gentry at the fair and Rascal Flatts with the Wreckers either in Chi-town or STL this summer!

Ok well I should probably work now. Peace out faithful readers :o) hugs and kisses!

ENFP

2006-06-02T21:20:00.000-05:00

First, I'd like to say that this is right on!!!!!!!!! I'd be the first to say that I'm probably and Idealist and according to this and Carl Jung Idealists are identity seeking and for anyone who knows me that is the focus of all of my graduate research. Wow! Nail on the head with this one. Check the title link for an explaination.

My Bloginality is ENFP!!!

The Wreckers

2006-06-02T09:14:00.000-05:00

So last night I bought the debut CD by The Wreckers called Stand Still Look Pretty. It's amazing. I heard their debut song "Leave the Pieces" on Sunday and haven't been able to get it out of my head. Well www.wfmb.com has this great think called "on demand" where you can listen to an entire CD before purchasing. So I did yesterday and....WOWSERS!!!! It's amazing. It's folk pop rock meets country! Michelle Branch and Jessica Harp (who make up The Wreckers) sound great together and Michelle Branch should have been doing Jessica's songs all along. Amazingly (and this from someone who is definitely more interested in the lyrics than the music) I actually like this CD because of the music. Don't get me wrong, the lyrics are good, but just good not GREAT (with a few notable exceptions). However, the blend of folk, pop, country, and bluegrass is FABULOUS! It's a fun CD to listen to and explore! I highly recommend it.

Movies anyone?

2006-05-30T08:43:00.000-05:00

Movies Movies Anyone?

Ok. Well I had a FABULOUS weekend! Filled with fun, food, family and blockbuster movies! I'll get to my reviews of the movies (given my extreme qualifications *sarcasm*) in a second but first....It was GREAT to see some of my family this weekend at my aunt and uncle's 30th Anniversary party in WI. LONG drive (I'd forgotten how long), but good all the same. Had a bit of an altercation with the Wal-mart guy over selling me alcohol because my cousin who's 17 had driven me to the store because I didn't have a car (daddy drove and he had the truck with him)....yeah but other than that it was cool....my aunt was totally surprised to see us and cried...good quality time with her and my other aunt and my daddy...I love it when they all get together and play off each other :oD....good time with the cousins....Jeff (step cousin) gets hotter every time I see him (which I can say...there's no blood so don't judge!!!!) and I was just tipsy enough to tell him and feed his ego to which he responded that he knew and didn't need his ego fed because it was on an automatic feeder set on high...which is sooo true! Love that man! Anyways, got to swim and have breakfast with aunt Susie and uncle Gary and kit (love kit...full cousin 17 year old, my baby!!!!!) which was great then hit the outlet mall and had a blast!!!! stopped in P-town on the way back home and visited Busha's grave...sad sad but ok all the same. Got my hair cut yesterday and love it!!! The kink may finally be gone!!!!

Anyways, as to the movies...saw three this weekend.... X-3 on Friday night, and V for Vendetta and The DaVinci Code yesterday (2 movies one day woohoo)...Here are my modest reviews of all three

X-3 will be owned by me but only because it finishes up the trilogy. I was extremely disappointed when I walked out of the theater but as the weekend continued I realized that it was ok...not great...just ok. Note to those who have NOT seen the first 2 in the trilogy...you MUST watch them first to understand the third. The 2nd you could watch without the 1st and be ok...not as good, but ok. This one you must watch them both because X3 is allll plot and no characterization. X1 and X2 gives the characters depth, this one just showcases what they can do not who they are. I hate plot driven movies with no ability for character attachment. They missed the mark with this one. They introduced several great opportunities for some deep characterization and then ran away from them screaming. It was incredibly short for a movie today and would have been 100 times better if they had added a half hour of characterization and no one would have complained. Oh and as a lover of X-men comics they really butchered the potential they had to do something great with the Phoenix saga!!!! Final Grade: B

Next, I saw V...Wow...not much more I can saw except for WOW!!! I will have to watch it on video however, as there were several scenes where I missed dialog because it was a shity theater and because the script is tricky (lol for example the V speech hehehe)...and I disagree with several of the beliefs of V...however, I loved the depth and intensity....regardless of my agreement or disagreement with anarchy, the movie was powerfully compelling. Final Grade: A-

Finally, The code. OMG was it EVER going to end! I was ready to shot myself in the head!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course I felt that way with the book as well so I'm not TOO surprised by that. I was mildly impressed with the fact that they stayed fairly true to the book especially in the beginning, merely omitting things for time I'm sure rather than changing them...then they went and ruined that impression with me by changing the end of the movie to not match the end of the book...I ask you what was the need for that...for those of you dear readers who have not a. read the book or b. seen the movie, I won't mention what that change was. However, it really wasn't huge the point is there was no NEED to change it! The change served no purpose. It didn't shorten the movie (oh God if it had I would have loved the change for that simple fact), it didn't enhance the movie, this change served absolutely no purpose and I hate it when screenwriters change a book like that with no reasoning! Anyway..final grade for The Code: C.

Blogger issues

2006-05-26T16:06:00.000-05:00

Ok well new template has a few bugs I'll have to try and figure out later. However, for comments, it only stores one new comment. Then to read additional comments, you have to hit "post a comment" under the 1st comment and it will show all comments. At least that's how it shows on my computer.

Just in case it's a serious fluke and noone can read any comments, I thought I'd post this in response to my dear devil's advocate whom I love :o)

Comment 1

I'm curious as to why that quote (about us being meant to die and how it's what makes us matter) jumped out at you. I could see individuality being lost if we were cloned......but I might disagree with that statement as it stands alone...

(Your loving devil's advocate)

Comment 2 (my response)

This is how I immediately saw it...Think about it...if we were, for lack of a better term, immortal (and in this case of the movie specifically able to be reborn over and over and over again because that's what happens, through cloning everyone who "dies" is reborn again right from the start (ie. your dna is saved and made into an embryo to be born again) so not a true immortality but living lifetimes over and over again) no choice we ever made would ever mean anything. Choices would no longer be moral decisions but rather "whatevers". Feel like killing someone? Who cares? They'll just be reborn again so it's not as if you're REALLY killing them. Everything would be fair game. Even those who don't have God in their lives usually agree that the decisions and what we do with the time we do have on Earth is important because we only get one shot. Your whole outlook, every decision you make, everything you do changes when faced with only one shot at something as opposed to the ability to have "do overs". When one is immortal their lives lose any significance anything that "makes our lives matter". How you treat people and how you relate to them no longer matters. Think about it. If you have let's say oh I don't know a...oh something irreplaceable...a quilt handsewn by your great great grandmother that can NEVER be replaced because your great great grandmother is gone. You treat that quilt better than you would a blanket you can easily replace because you just bought it last year and it was from Wal-Mart and they still have it so something happens to that blanket from Wal-Mart, oh well, I'll go replace it exactly (now I know there's some monetary consideration for the majority of us we don't like to replace things that cost money because well what's the point...take care of it instead)...however think if that was with human lives. Homeless? Who cares, let them die they'll be reborn in better circumstances anyway. What we do with our time no longer has any significance because time is infinite for us. Immortality is the great equalizer. Which sounds great on the surface but if everything is equal then everything is simply…average…there’s nothing to strive for…you can’t go down, but you can’t go up either…without bad there can't be good, without value there can't be invaluable, without grief and sadness there can't be joy, without the prospect of death, a finality, no one could EVER find God...feeling down, lost, alone, insignificant? Kill yourself. Why not it's not final, you just get a do over. You don’t need anyone, let alone God. Hell, eventually after being reborn several times you don’t even need yourself. Everything is glaringly pointless at that point, utterly meaningless.

Happy Friday all! Happy 3 day weekend many! And peace out :o)

Mashed Potato Bowls, Aeon Flux and Cop Shops....Oh My!!!!!

2006-05-24T09:03:00.000-05:00

Ok so last night was a fiasco...It started out well enough....Kara and I went to dinner with the fabulous Ms. Bethany B...had the new KFC mashed potato bowl...it was wonderful!!!!!!!...then we went to the video store and did some shopping at the mall before going back to Kara's apartment and watching Aeon Flux (warning: spoiler below on my take on the movie)....then I went home (about 10:30 pm)...when I get there the shit had hit the fan....Chas and her family are on the outs again which I already knew....her family is insane and her parents are alcoholics....anyways I get back to my house and my brother is on the phone with a cop friend of his who is off duty and I'm like what's going on???....so they let me listen to these messages from Chas's phone and my mom's phone where her parents are making death threats regarding my brother....I told you, they're insane bullies who must get some perverse thrill out of terrorizing not only their own children but others as well!...anyways so yeah last night was spent at the police department (I didn't go, I stayed at the house to watch out for it and the cars etc and deep down I think I was hoping they'd show up so I could use my ball bat on them...but alas they didn't show up at our house but rather dan and chas's appartment who of course weren't there as they were at the cop shop)...anyways reports were filed, messages saved and documented and looking into restraining orders today.....never a dull moment I tell you!

On a lighter note, I truly enjoyed Aeon Flux. It was out there in the sci-fi futuristic thing and sometimes you were like what? huh? because unlike other futuristic films, they never really explained a lot about the weapons or whatnot that are so far out....however, that was so not the point of the movie...it was crazy insane but had some really really really deep messages which I loved.

***************************SPOILER WARNING IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE MOVIE AND HAVEN'T YET DON'T READ ANY MORE*******************************************

Ok so I loved the major thematic parts. In general the story takes place in the future after a virus has wiped out 99% of the world's population. This guy finds a cure and builds this "utopia" city for the survivors...the downside is that the cure causes sterility so there will be no more humans....of course the humans don't know this though because the guy who found the cure also begins saving the DNA of all the dead people to clone them...this happens for seven generations....recycling the same people over and over and over again....except for Aeon Flux who was the scientist and now high chancellor's wife before the virus....he thought her dna had been distroyed because his evil brother had said it was....but the protector who gets to decide how to recycle the dna etc. saved it for when she was needed most...anyways to make a complicated story short, Aeon destroys the big devise which houses all the recycled DNA because as she puts it....

We're meant to die. Its what makes everything about us matter.

The movie got horrible reviews (which of course meant I'd love it...I hate to agree with the mainstream) and frankly if you were looking for a kick ass sci-fi action thriller, it was probably a bit lacking and if you were looking for a movie which connected all the dots, it was definitely a bit lacking. But if you're looking for a movie which has some deep thematic undertones and that keeps you off guard and disoriented enough to be able to relate to the disorientation of the main character, then this is the movie for you! I give it two very enthusiastic thumbs up!

2006-05-12T13:25:00.000-05:00

Hold mouse over a color for what that color means in my personality.

Benevolent Creator

Hold mouse over color for what that color means about my personality.

NCLB will eventually leave all children behind!!!!!

2006-05-11T09:21:00.000-05:00

Ok I can’t hold it in anymore! NCLB is the most assine attempt at better educating our children that I have ever seen! I have SEVERAL issues with it.

First, and this is just a rant. STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT GOVERNMENT AND LET OUR TEACHERS DO THEIR DAMN JOBS!!!!!! Trying to concentrate on NCLB worksheets etc. is taking precious time away from our children
Secondly, and more importantly, so the main goal is for all children to meet or exceed the “standards” in reading and math by 2014. Bear with me here for a brief statistics lesson. What we have below is what is called a “normal” or “bell” curve. (or as close as I could draw it in Word). OK nevermind it won't show through, but come on ya'll know what a normal bell curve looks like if not, go ahead and look it up. OH wait maybe this will work

X
XXX
XXXXX
XXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
123456789abcdef

OK now the bell would come in if you were to draw a curve around the outside of the x’s. Each “x” represents 1 person getting that score. So 1 person got a “1” and an “f”, 2 people got a “2” and an “e”, 3 people got a “3” and a “d”, etc. ‘Tis how we get the “normal” curve.

Allow me to explain the basics of this normal curve. There are some scores towards the top, and some towards the bottom with the majority in the middle. The following list of test scores, for example, would follow the normal curve.
60 61 64 73 73 80 85 90
Charting these numbers would result in a normal curve as represented above with the high point of the curve (it’s kurtosis) being at 73. The reason it represents a normal curve is because the mean (average), the mode (the most frequent value) and the median (the middle number or the average between the two middle numbers when an even number of results) are ALL 73. Now here’s the deal when it comes to standardized test scores. The “standards” are set by finding the normal curve. In otherwords, someone sits and calculates what the curve is based upon all the scores of everyone (that’s how when you took the iowa basics for example for those of you illinoisians who did, your results were indicated by a percentile score such as you are in the 80th percentile meaning you did as well or better than 80% of the total participants). Ok HERE’S the kicker!!!!!!! In order to find this standard, there has to be lower numbers. You will NEVER NEVER NEVER get a curve to the point of a straight line or anywhere close to it. Because even if the curve looked really really really skinny with only 2 points between the top and the bottom, even if the difference between the highest score and the lowest score is only 2 points, there will still be people below the standard (if the differences in highest and lowest scores is only 2 points AT LEAST HALF (perhaps more but at least half) of the scores would be below “standard” )

So what does this mean? It means that if the lowest scores started out near the 30th percentile in 2001 and are now near the 50th percentile (and I'm just throwing out numbers, I don't know), guess what???? WE’VE MADE TREMENDOUS PROGRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if the “standard” is at say the 70th percentile!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you know what else, as schools start to improve, that merely means the “standard” percentile will get higher and higher and farther and farther away and therefore more schools will start falling under the “standard”!!!!!! This WAS NOT a well thought out plan! The goal should be to raise the lowest scores but not with a pressure to meet the standard but rather to raise the overall standard which statistically would show an improvement. In order for there to be a standard, there will be people below it and people over it ALWAYS!!!! And in fact, there WILL be an even amount of people on both sides, that’s how it gets to be a “standard” or representing a normal curve. If everyone is at today’s “average” or “above average” it’s not “average” tomorrow b/c “average” will then have to be higher! Is anyone following this logic?

So I guess my main point is, in the article linked in the title, “Rising Number of Schools Face Penalties”, it talks about more and more schools falling under the “standards” set. To this I say

ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While it could mean more schools are going down the drain, I doubt it. The most logical explanation is that the standard has risen as a result of increasing the lowest scores thereby moving the “normal curve” for test scores. And we’re penalizing these schools for it. Shame on us!

Short Post I know

2006-05-10T08:05:00.000-05:00

However, I had to share this

wait for it!

It's coming!

SCHOOL'S OUT FOR THE SUMMER (as A-Teen plays in my head and has since last night!!!!) YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*deep TV anchor voice now* In other news, Johnna will return to normal blogging as soon as possible. School is out, yes, but loan project A is still ongoing and D-Day for completion (may 26) is quickly approaching. If you figure there are 8 remaining business days until then and the fact that I can only get a max of 2 matricies done an eight hour day and there are 49 total and I am done with 6, leaving 43, yep just figure if you can't find me I'll be pulling a double at work!

Peace out :o)

Lyrics of the Day

2006-05-08T11:28:00.000-05:00

I promise as soon as I get this last paper done (due Wednesday at 8 am and a review of 2 classmates papers by Friday at 8 am) I’ll post some like real life stuff. However, I wanted to share these lyrics. I haven’t actually heard the music that goes with them yet, though I do have the CD. It is from Bon Jovi’s new album, Have a Nice Day and is called “Wherever You Are”. I fell in love with the lyrics when reading the CD insert, so I’m excited to hear how it actually sounds. Just a quick note on why I like it. It’s realistic and yet optimistic at the same time. It’s not often you find that combo.

Maybe we're different, but we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden, running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You come between just who you are and who you wanna be

If you feel alone, and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are

When everybody's in, and you're left out
And you feel you’re drowning, in a shadow of a doubt
Everyone’s a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say

When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling down
Remember everybody's different
Just take a look around

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are

Be who you want to, be who you are
Everyones a hero, everyones a star

When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are

Lyrics of the Day

2006-04-27T13:06:00.000-05:00

Ok so I know it sounds as if I have this "woe is me" lonely theme going on, but actually I don't...there are reasons that these songs are important to me lyrically that are happy and hopeful so for those of you, dear readers, who fear that I'm in a funk, fear not :o) I'm great :o)

Song: Unknown
Artist: Chely Wright

Fire and rain is my favorite song
I say a prayer at 11:11
I could watch old movies all night long
I'm not sure about hell
But I know there's a heaven
Sometimes I feel so alone...it scares me
I talk in my sleep
But there's no one to hear me

Unknown
I dont want to be unknown
The little things that make me who I am
I need to share...I need to know
That someone cares....
That I drink coffee black
That I sing when I drive...that I sleep with the TV on
More than anything ...I don't want to be unknown

I love September when leaves turn gold
I get nervous in crowded places
Someday I want to see San Francisco
I'm bad with names but remember faces
I need more than a kiss...more than a lover
I'm a world that's just waiting to be discovered

Unknown
I don't want to be unknown
The little things that make me who I am
I need to share...I need to know
That someone cares...
That I write down my dreams
That I love when it rains
I burn candles when I'm alone
More than anything
I don't want to be unknown...
More than anything
No one wants to be unknown.

Carpe Diem

2006-04-27T13:03:00.000-05:00

Stepping out of comfort zones is...well to be overly obvious, uncomfortable. Though not totally unsatisfying. The results were not what I had hoped, but not 100% what I feared, and at least now I know which is infinitely better than not knowing. So there you go, and there is still some hope w/that particular out of my comfort zone experience.

I have decided that I'm going to step out on limb and take a vacation all by myself at the end of June. Probably only a three day weekend, but still it's going to be a me and me only thing. This excites and terrifies me at the same time and it's taking everything I have to not invite someone with me. I'm a social creature by nature, so it's hard to do anything for a long period of time without other people. However, I feel very convicted that I need to take some time w/me and God and simply recharge. You know in a previous post (entitled Fire and Ice--possibly the most important post to date) where I spoke about getting back to more of the less stressed and therefore less abrupt with the people I love, I feel convicted that some personal recharging is necessary.

The plans are still tentative, but I'm considering going down to a Bed and Breakfast down in Southern Illinois in Shawnee National Forest near the Garden of the Gods. Drive down on Friday morning, stay Friday night and Saturday night drive back Sunday. That at least is the plan for right now. Like I said, I'm psyched and nervous all at the same time. However, I'm pretty committed to stepping outside of comfort zones right now. I don't want to stay in my comfort zones my whole life. I want to break free of the status quo. I like growth, and I love personal growth and you can't grow personally by doing the same thing day in and day out.

So here's to blowing out of comfort zones. carpe diem

Lyrics of the Day

2006-04-26T11:37:00.000-05:00

Musical: Wicked
Song: I'm Not That Girl

ELPHABA
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl:

I'd forgotten

2006-04-26T08:22:00.000-05:00

OK so I had the absolute best night that I've had in a really long time last night. Class was actually pretty cool. We had a guest speaker come in to talk about the methodology that I intend to personally employ in my proposal and thesis and her subject matter (since she basically just walked us through how she did her dissertation) was fascinating. I can't imagine spending 8 months in Brazil away from 2 kids and a husband, but her work was really good :o) And then I got high praise from Searcy...We were looking at sample proposals and I said "wait I'm confused"...he stopped dead in his tracks and said "Johnna!?!?!? you??!??!"...it was a great "feel-good" moment :o) Then 2 girlfriends and a guyfriend from class and I went to Bootleggers and just hung out for a while. Here is the biggest thing that I'm taking from that:

I've MISSED MISSED MISSED hanging out with FABULOUS people who are in the same stage of life as I am. I LOVE my friends, more than life and I'd die for any one of them, however, I've missed having conversations that don't revolve around children and thereby remind me how much I want them. I LOVE the kids in my life and their mothers and fathers and I love my relationships with all 3 of those roles, but I had forgotten how nice it is to be able to sit in a bar and talk about random stuff and move on to quote/unquote "intelectual" conversation thrown into the middle about class items and books that are currently being read. I NEED that, and I had forgotten it.

OK now some random fun points that will make most of my readers scratch their heads and go "huh?" lol b/c I'm evil, but since this is a journal, I need a few key points to remember things for my own future reference :o)

1. Breaking up should be like tornado sirens
2. Highlighters
3. Dolphins
4. Memoirs
5.
6. sheep
7. oh nuts, I'm sure there's more but I've forgotten already...I knew I should have written them down LOL

OK peace out kids :o)

Stolen from Tracey

2006-04-20T11:38:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Tracey :o)

This is how it works: Comment on this entry and get a letter.
Write ten words beginning with that letter, including an explanation what the word means to you and why.

I got "R"

1. Riley--That was the easiest one :o) Riley Ann is the daughter of one of my best friends on the planet! She's let' see she'll be 16 months old here in a week or so. She's the bestest!

2. Research--let's see, a word that I have mixed emotions on...critical to my chosen career path, and fascinating in it's unstructured form, but when you try to add structure to the research, it sucks!

3. Red--a happy color, the color of my nails right now, one of my fav. colors for clothing, the color of my car

4. Roberts, as in Nora Roberts!!!! As a direct contradiction to Mlle Tressie, one of my favorite authors to read when I simply want to escape from all the stress around me and I don't want to think! Her writing enables me to completely forget about everything else for a while and puts me into her settings in her books! I love it and I NEED it!

5. Reagan--What I'd like to name my first daughter

6. Regal--A pretty word :o) I normally associate it with cats however

7. Red Rover--Happy memories from High School (there aren't many, so I take what I can)

8. Rabbi--Makes me think of Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell--GREAT book, but there's a whole chapter in it talking about Jesus as Rabbi and various implications of that...one of my favorite books of all time and one of my favorite chapters in the book

9. Radical--A pretty awesome word! One of those words that when I read it makes me want to get up and change the world...it's a very empowering word :o)

10. Radiance--another awesome word...I like to associate words with feelings in case you couldn't tell, and this one makes me feel feminine, pretty, and smiley inside...It's something that when I think of it, I try to find in people and try to exude myself...the key here being when I think of it, which is sadly not as often as I should.

Nichole Song of the day

2006-04-13T11:44:00.000-05:00

Ok so this song has a plethora of meanings behind it...it was the first Nichole song I ever heard and I loved it. I've heard it played a weddings...and funerals...I've never given it much thought in regards to EASTER however, I received an easter e-card today that immediately brought to mind the last verse of this song. And I got to thinking...From a literature perspective of looking at this song as a poem, you could draw the parallels of the four seasons in the song with the four days starting today through Sunday. It wouldn't necessarily be an interpretation of what the author INTENDED, however, as with any piece of literature, you can look at what the author brought to it AND what the reader brings to it...ok that was tangental I know, I'm sorry. Here it is

EVERY SEASON
Nichole Nordeman

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Holy Thursday

2006-04-13T08:28:00.000-05:00

Ok, so today is a pretty big day in Holy Week, there's a lotttttttttt to the Last Supper in scripture...later tonight I'll actually go and read it all, but for thoughts this morning I wanted to start at the beginning with Jesus washing the disciples feet.

I'm just going to post the passage for now...throughout the day as I read it I may post reflections :o)

John 13

Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet

1It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.[a]
2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"

7Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."

8"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."

9"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"

10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

Crimson

2006-04-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

Again, as we are in the midst of Holy Week and preparing the way for Maundy Thursday tomorrow and Good Friday on Friday, some points I've reflected on today.

1. Another Nichole Nordeman song. I like her dedication to Donald Miller. The last line really gets me. Along the same lines as yesterdays song, I'm trying to spend time truly pondering the sacrafice of Christ for me, and for all of us, but honestly, mainly me. It's personal. It always has been and was always meant to be.

Crimson
(Nichole Nordeman)
For Donald Miller, who finally connected the garden and the cross for me.
One choice
One tree
One fall for humanity
One lie
One liar
One bite is all death required
One great regret
One squandered chance, and yet
One hope
One day
One name above all other names
One bridge between then and now
One way to discover how
One price
One tree
One drop of crimson covers me

2. Next thought...plans already set in motion are being further expounded today.
Holy Wednesday From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Holy Wednesday is the name Christians use for the Wednesday before Easter. See also Holy Week and Tenebrae, a liturgy that is often celebrated on this day. Holy Wednesday is also known as Spy Wednesday. This was the day that Judas Iscariot first planned with the Jewish guards to betray Jesus for thirty silver coins.

Luke 22
Judas Agrees to Betray Jesus
1Now the Feast of Unleavened Bread, called the Passover, was approaching, 2and the chief priests and the teachers of the law were looking for some way to get rid of Jesus, for they were afraid of the people. 3Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the Twelve. 4And Judas went to the chief priests and the officers of the temple guard and discussed with them how he might betray Jesus. 5They were delighted and agreed to give him money. 6He consented, and watched for an opportunity to hand Jesus over to them when no crowd was present.

3. Another passage...this is one of my favorite stories so...

Mark 14
Jesus Anointed at Bethany
While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.
4Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? 5It could have been sold for more than a year's wages[a] and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.

6"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."

10Then Judas Iscariot, one of the Twelve, went to the chief priests to betray Jesus to them. 11They were delighted to hear this and promised to give him money. So he watched for an opportunity to hand him over.

It's all very much to think about hmmm

Why?

2006-04-11T15:13:00.000-05:00

Ok seeing as this is the week leading up to Easter, Can you believe it???, there may be a theme coming up here in this blog...namely Easter! LOL I wanted to share with you dear readers (few as you may be) one of my alltime favorite Easter songs!

*************************************************************************************
Why by Nichole Nordeman

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my Daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man
That my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said "Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows
Daddy, please can't you do something?
He looks as though He's gonna cry
you said he was stronger than all of those guys
Daddy, please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die?"

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And Daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said, "Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for My robe?
This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows
Father, please can't You do something?
I know that You must hear My cry
I thought I could handle the cross of this size
Father, remind Me why
Why does everyone want Me to die?
Oh when will I understand why?

"My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own
Jesus, this hurts Me much more than You know
But this dark hour I must do nothing
Though I've heard Your unbearable cry
The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies
Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below, see the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell You why

She is why You must die

*************************************************************************************I still cry every time!!!

The Legend of the Three Trees

2006-04-11T11:45:00.000-05:00

This is one of my favorite Easter Stories (I don't think it's necessarily and Easter Story but I personally associate it with Easter). Also given my previous couple of posts, it's important for me to be reminded of the story. It's been retold in countless books (I personally have the one by Catherine McCafferty which is beautifully illustrated). I thought I'd share it with those of you unfamiliar with the story.

The Legend of the Three Trees (from http://www.word4life.com/threetrees.html)
Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up. The fist little tree looked up at the stars and said: " I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I'll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!" The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on it's way to the ocean. " I want to be traveling might waters and caring powerful kings. I'll be the strongest ship in the world! The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. I don't want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me they'll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world.

Years, passed. The rain came, the sun shone and the little trees grew tall. One day three wood cutters climbed the mountain. The first wood cutter looked at the first tree and said, "This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shinning ax, the first tree fell. "Now I shall make a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful treasure!" the first tree said.

The second wood cutter looked at the second tree and said, "This tree is strong. It's perfect for me." With a swoop of his shinning ax, the second tree fell. "Now I shall sail mighty waters!" thought the second tree. " I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!"

The third tree felt her heart sink when the last wood cutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the wood cutter never even looked up. "Any kind of tree will do for me." He muttered. With a swoop of his shinning ax, the third tree fell.

The fist tree rejoiced when the wood cutter brought her to a carpenter's shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feed box for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, or treasure. She was coated with saw dust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals. The second tree smiled when the wood cutter took her to a shipyard, but no might sailing ship was made that day. Instead the one strong tree was hammered and awed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river, instead she was taken to a little lake. The third tree was confused when the wood cutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. "What happened?" The once tall tree wondered. " All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God..."

Many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feed box. "I wish I cold make a cradle for him." Her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and sturdy wood. " This manger is beautiful." She said. And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake. Soon a thundering and a thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She new she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through the wind and the rain. The tired man awoke. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said, "Peace." The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the king of heaven and earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten wood pile. She flinched as she was carried through and angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man's hand to her. She felt ugly and harsh and cruel. But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God's love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong. And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God. That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.

The next time you feel down because you didn't get what you wanted, sit tight and be happy because God is thinking of something better to give you.

Fun

2006-04-11T09:18:00.000-05:00

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Fire and Ice: Potentially the Most Important Post to Date

2006-04-10T13:15:00.000-05:00

A friend blogger recently posted something that totally struck a chord with me! The links here will take you to that post. The last line of the post is this...

Only sad stories can connect people at the deepest level.

Now there's a profound thought. At first, I didn't agree, but now I agree to an extent, but not 100% of the time. I have this journal (well I have several actually because I like journals and in college was addicted to buying them, writing in them for a week and then starting a new one) But there's THE journal that chronicles one of the lowest and highest points in my life, namely my sophomore year in college. If there was any major turning point in my life, this would be it! I've gone back and read it a couple of times since then and can rarely make it through it all, and even when I do, I'm left with an overwhelming sadness. I comment throughout the journal that it's sad that I only write in it when things are low (which isn't completely true, there are like 3 positive entries) which was a lot that year, the year my grandmother died, the year of my first heartbreak, the year I realized that not everyone is who they portray themselves to be, the year I realized that the steps I was taking in my life were not going to get me to my hopes and dreams, the year I realized some friends aren't for life. I went back and reread it on Friday night (or perhaps Thursday, I can't really remember) and for the first time I didn't fell overwhelmingly sad about the whole situation. For the first time, I was able to critically see how crucial that year was in constructing who I am today. I felt compassion for the people who hurt me, and for my hurt self during that time. I realized the steps I'm taking right now still aren't going to fulfill my hopes and dreams, but at least they're steps towards something, even if it's not what I want deep inside. I was saddened by several of my handling of situations, and was saddened by the lost desperation of some of the acts of people towards me. But, overall, the only thing that left me sad inside was the few entries where I poured out my hopes and dreams and I realized, now nearly 7 years later I am no closer to those dreams than I was then. The main feeling that I was left with after reading the journal, however, was a sense of gratitude for the person that I was then, a realization that I need to get some of that person back in the person that I am today, and a bittersweet happiness that that chapter in my life has no more hold over me as it has and did even the last time I read the journal last summer.

What does this have to do with the posting by frozenreality? There is truth in that statement. It is in the fires of our lives that we are shaped. However, as with anything that is crafted in the fires, it's the cool-down, the water or the cool air which solidifies us, which makes us retain those characteristics forged in the fires. It is the happy days of birth, and marriages, and happy talks with friends, and walks in the park, and quiet moments with God that gels what the fire creates within us. In the fires we are connected, but in the water we are joined for good, we are solidified.

Melancholy

2006-04-10T09:36:00.000-05:00

First I think the title may be misspelled but oh well...second it has occurred to me that my life is incredibly blah w/very few spices to it...While I definitely do not miss the complete and utter chaos that was my undergraduate career, I do miss the constant availablility to do things with PEOPLE...my dad's great really he is, but dear lord I need friends!!! This weekend consisted of a bridal shower which was cool but with people with whom I am not incredibly close, but they're cool :o) But then I went home, read a book, watched Day after Tomorrow w/daddy, read some more, watched Memoirs of a Geisha (which I highly recommend) and Love's Long Journey (again which I highly recommend but see the first two in the Love series first) and went to bed at about 3 am...Sunday I got up about 12:30, had a cookie and a cup of coffee read a book, watched the Fifth Element and wrote a paper. Had a 20 minute quick dinner w/daddy, dan, and chasidy, and went back to the paper. Then finished another book and went to bed. So basically I'm a hermit who reads a lot and likes sentimental chick flicks! Dear God, I need help!!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOO

2006-04-06T11:59:00.000-05:00

Ok so 06/06/06 may actually be a great day!!!!!!!

The next installment of the Malory series comes out that day wooohooo!

A lovely teaser for all you JL fans (LOL which may only be me but whatevah! It's my universe it can revolve around me if I so desire :oP)

A brief comment! I'm psyched that it appears Mr. Drew "Sweetheart in every port" Anderson may have finally met his match!!!!!!!!!! Ah Drew *sigh*

Captive of My Desires
by Johanna Lindsey

FROM THE PUBLISHER
Devastated by her mother's death, eighteen-year-old Gabrielle Brooks sets sail from England to a Caribbean island in search of her estranged father. But instead of encountering a distinguished merchant ship's captain, she discovers her father has become a pirate! After enjoying three years of sailing and treasure hunting, Gabrielle is dismayed when her father tells her she must return to London to find a proper husband. His old friend, former gentleman pirate James Malory, will sponsor her in polite society.

After arriving in London, Gabrielle is escorted to balls and parties by James Malory's wife Georgina and her brother, Drew Anderson, a dashing American sea captain who is visiting. Though drawn to Gabrielle's fiery beauty, Drew, a fun-loving rogue, wants nothing to do with a young woman hunting for a husband. Incensed by Drew's indifference, Gabrielle is determined to win his attentions, but the rogue forces himself to remain nothing more than her escort. When Drew unintentionally humiliates her at a party the night before he's to sail back to America, Gabrielle vows to have her revenge. Enlisting the help of her father's pirate cohorts, Gabrielle commandeers Drew's ship and takes him prisoner. But as passions run high on their sea voyage, it becomes difficult to tell who is truly the captor and who is the captive.

An actual life update...i know i know...don't have a heart attack...Really!!! BREATHE BREATHE!!!!!

2006-04-05T16:36:00.000-05:00

Ok so long time no post, I know. Let's briefly run down some things that have been going on

1. I was in the bathroom today when I got scared to death by the PA system...for the first time since I've been here they announced where to find the information for procedures during bad weather and then ran through them over the PA...that tells ya a bit about how shaken up peeps around here have gotten given 2 tornadoes in 3 weeks in a town that doesn't ever see any.

2. I had my interview for the managers position yesterday....some thoughts...the interviewer was wonderful...which is great except then it's hard to tell how it went since she was so nice...was she just nice or was it a good interview??? Who knows. Only one problem....I was supposed to know this morning if I was recommended to the hiring manager 4:30 and I still don't know! frustrating but ah well.

3. Yesterday and today have been crazy hectic days! I feel like I haven't had a chance to catch my breath at work...nothing major but a lot of questions from co-workers and rearranging workloads due to people out on vaca...crazy in an at least i'm not bored out of my mind kinda way so it's cool!

4. Tomorrow I will be exclusively helping Jeff on a special project which I'm excited about...for those of you dear readers who don't know, I get bored easily. I need constant change and more importantly constant challenge in order to feel validated and motivated to work. Therefore, special projects or even "opportunities" which is what we fondly call our problem files are great with me :o)

5. Going over to Sharah's tonight to hang with her and I'm excited about that, though I probably should be working on my paper...I need a breather so paper tomorrow night!

6. I need to file my taxes...I can't believe I've let it go this long!!!

7. This morning and this afternoon at 2 minutes and 3 seconds past 1 am and 1 pm it was 01:02:03 04/05/06! Cool huh? Won't happen again for another 1000 years!!!!! However, it made me realize that in June of this year we're going to have a 06/06/06...not too happy about that!

8. Jen Ann reminded me last week that my wedding date is fast approaching (for those of you who didn't know, I WILL one day marry on June 11 (my grandparent's anniversary) and this year it's a Saturday)...5 years ago when this was discussed with Jen Ann it was completely feasible and made sense....with 5 years having passed with absolutely no boyfriends or even dates let alone a wedding in 2 months I'm a little bit more than discouraged *sigh*

9. Because I hate to end on a sad note today's tip number 49.....
Never walk when you can fly, but still remember to tie your shoelaces!

Fun...but not suprising

2006-03-30T11:22:00.000-06:00

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		11
Quality Time:		8
Words of Affirmation:		7
Acts of Service:		3
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Upon Highs and Lows

2006-03-29T10:24:00.000-06:00

highs and lows...like awesome highs and low lows...that's the past 24 hours...was told I should publish the paper I turned in for class which I intend to do once it's finished and on the test from hell, I received a 101% b/c I got the highest score at 91% and the way the prof curves is to add the percentage it would have taken the highest score to get to 100% and he didn't want to mess with 9% so added 10% to everyone...so yeah that was awesome (he's not so much Satan anymore ;o) and I was much more excited last night)...now MAJORLY stressed b/c of major family issues that are totally overwhelming me to an extent that I almost can't handle it, and I can't tell anyone about it (i.e. I've been sworn to secrecy on one thing which affects a lot of other things and those things that are affected or those persons are blissfully ignorant...for now)!!!!!!!!!!!!...I know everything happens for a reason and I know God is good, but I'm just so overwhelmingly sad about it all and stressed beyond bearing...It seems that practically 100% of my family is in over their heads and I can't handle it...I can't bail them ALL out and I CAN'T choose between them on whom I should help out. I'm at a total loss as to what to do and I don't even see a train at the end of the tunnel, just completely encompassing blackness.

From Rent Finale B

2006-03-28T13:44:00.000-06:00

There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment's
not the last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget Regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but Today

Top 10 Random thoughts from my life right now

2006-03-27T14:33:00.000-06:00

Because Tracey was complaining.

Johnna's Top 10 random thoughts that do not have anything to do with each other

1. I'm green today (looks pointedly at Tracey)

2. Special Projects are either wonderful or hell...last week hell...this week wonderful

3. School needs to die

4. Desk moves suck when the new desk is lower than the old...makes one's shoulder hurt while typing

5. Acryllic nails are the best longest lasting things I've ever encountered (the paint hasn't chipped at ALL yet...it's a record for me :o))...however, they slow down my typing speed which does NOT make me a happy camper

6. Rent rocks!!! Like a lot...saw it again yesterday...still cried...loved it more the second time around...must own it...Adri said she was disappointed because she wanted them all to have "grown-up" in the end...I disagreed vehemently...I thought they were all very grown-up (well except Maureen...but that's just Maureen)...I highly respect the characters

7. Call for Wicked participants...Adrienne and I (and a 90% sure Katie Moore are making a Wicked Weekend June 24-25...head up early Saturday...sight-see...get hotel room...change clothes...go to the 8 pm show...head back Sunday...1 hotel room split several ways...so needless to say this is kinda a girls night out thing, sorry to the hubbys and S.O's...looking at the like $65-70 price range for tickets (so like $80.00 after taxes etc. etc.) Anyone interested please let me know...planning on just putting tickets on my credit card and then peeps can get me the money (preferably before interest acrues...but that is negotiable). I need a definitive answer by April 5, 2006 from anyone interested:o)

8. Boys are fun

9. Sex talk is fun

10. Finally, I have an interview for the open manager's position on Friday. Sharah brought up the point that she believes corporate policy would then prohibit us from even hanging out outside of work...if this is the case...they can keep the job because Sharah Rocks!!!!

short post

2006-03-24T16:39:00.000-06:00

So..short post...busy busy busy...work is CRAZY (and I'm nervous about it...more on that later)...this weekend is insane...shopping w/mom tonight then home to do homework to get up at the buttcrack of dawn and color my hair and get ready for Megan's wedding to be in Spi by noon for my nail appointment and then the wedding and reception, staying at Sharah's Saturday night...going to Adrienne's Sunday and staying with her Sunday night!

Yeah, Crazy!

totally random

2006-03-20T18:57:00.000-06:00

*Random Thought Provokers*
What makes you laugh?:	Fun break buddies
Who is your hero?:	My Mom
Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?:	yum fun question...how about Orlando Bloom
How many pairs of shoes do you own?:	goodness let's not count that...too many
Seriously... Where does the other sock end up?:	the alien's with one foot fof course
Who do you blame for your mood today?:	lol I don't blame anyone
If the Internet were sex... I would:	be so incredibly satisfied several hundred times a day
Have you ever seen a dead body?:	yes
What is something scientists need to invent?:	transporters like on Star Trek so I can get from work to home in under a minute
What should we do with stupid people?:	send them all to Idaho
Have you ever broken a bone?:	yes
Do you watch local news? Why?:	no, b/c i don't have access to it
What happens after you die?:	Christian's go to Heaven
How big is your bed? Big enough?:	it takes up most of the room...sleeps three w/o any of them knowing anyone else is in the bed...it's custom made....it's still not big enough :o)
How long do you think you will live?:	what's w/all the morbid death questions?
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

fun survey

2006-03-20T18:44:00.000-06:00

*Ultimate survey of 2005. past, present, future, and everything random!*
Basics
Time::	6:14 PM
Name::	Johnna
Nickname(s)::	Jo, JoJo
Favorite nickname::	Jo
Age::	25
Age you act::	25
Age you wish you could be::	25
Height::	5'5
Weight::	not going there, bad question for girls
Shoe size::	9 1/2-10
Siblings::	Kara, Michelle, Daniel
Pets::	none of my own
Living situation::	w/my parents (daddy sometimes and mama at others)
Location::	Girard, IL/springfield, IL
Childhood past and General past
Favorite toy::	wow hard one....um lincoln logs
How did you dress?:	lol jeans and t-shirts except on special days
Preschool::	nope kindergarten at age 4
What age did you stop using the bottle?:	how the heck do i know?
Did you prefer playing indoors or outdoors?:	depends on the game
Did you have an immaginary friends?:	didn't everyone?
First pet::	Hosanna (kitten)
What did you want to be when you grew up?:	president of the united states
Do you still want to be that?:	hell no
(assuming you do) did you always have your own room?:	never until kara moved out
Did you ever ask a fat lady how long she'd been pregnant for?:	lol no i have more tact
What age did you learn to read and write?:	early
Were you quiet or nosy?:	HELLOOOOO anyoone who knows me would know the answer to that
What was your favorite story book?:	ummm i don't remember anything disney i gues
Second favorite?:	same
Third favorite?:	same
Sum yourself up as a kid.:	energetic
Who was your first best friend?:	oh my well i moved around a bit so once i finally settled down it was Tracey
How old were you when you had your first birthday party?:	1 (hence FIRST birthday party)
Where was it?:	how the heck should I know? do YOU remember when you were 1????
What was your earliest bedtime?:	7 pm
When did you learn to ride a bike?:	i was like 7 i think
Were you immaginative?:	hell yes,
Did you play with gender appropriate toys?:	sometimes
Did you play with age appropriate toys?:	sometimes
What was your favorite stuffed animal?:	ohhh toooo many to count
How many barbies did you have?:	2
Did you have carebears?:	hell yes still do
Ninja turtles?:	uh huh
That creepy bear that reads books?:	giggles yeppers and you mean Teddy Rupskin (is that last name right?)
Did you like to climb trees?:	yes yes yes
Throw tantrums?:	lol rarely
Was it hard to sleep, or did you sleep like a baby?:	both
Did you go to the zoo?:	yes
Did you scream a lot?:	no
Did you ever go to an amusement park?:	yes
When and where was your first kiss?:	when i was 4 in Deiter's playhouse down the road from my Busha's house
Kissed someone of the opposite sex?:	yesss see above
Kissed someone of the same sex?:	yesss....college...sorority...need I say more?
how many total goldfish have you collectively owned?:	none
As a kid, what was the best thing ever?:	avanti's
The worst?:	bedtime
What was the best year of your life?:	all of my college years
Generally, in the past, have you ever:
Ran away from home?:	no
Snuck out?:	no
Wished on a star?:	yes
Danced in the rain?:	yes
Been to an unsupervised party?:	yes
Been drunk?:	yes
Smoked?:	yes
Been beaten up?:	no
Been depressed?:	yes
Been lonely?:	yes
Been afraid of the dark?:	yes
Cut your own hair?:	yes
Stayed up all night?:	yes
Gone streaking?:	lol no
Gone skinny dipping?:	again no
Played strip poker?:	giggles ooooh yes
Been on a roof?:	too many to count
Been in a trash can?:	lol um no why would i want to be?
Egged somebodies house?:	yes
Teepeed someones house?:	yes
Cheated on a guy / girl?:	no
Cheated on a test?:	no
Set something on fire on purpose?:	yes
Set something on fire accidentally?:	yes
Eaten squid?:	yes
Eaten sushi?:	no
Had a cell phone?:	yes
Had a computer?:	yes
Had an ipod / mp2 player?:	no
Broken a light bulb?:	yes
Cruised the streets past 3 AM?:	yes
Did a prank call?:	yes
Gone to school with a hangover?:	yes
Been in love?:	yes
Sworn at your parents?:	yes
Regretted something you did?:	now that's a stupid quesiton! Who hasn't?
Regretted something you should have done but never did?:	yes
Lied to your parents?:	yes
Lied to your friends?:	yes
Currently:
Are you a lucky person?:	no, i wouldn't say lucky...but not unlucky either
Are you a happy person?:	generally
Are you a virgin?:	no
What are you wearing?:	p.j.'s
What did you have for breakfast?:	honeycomb cereal
What kind of socks do you wear?:	whatever matches
What are your most comfortable shoes?:	my 4 inch stiletto boots....seriously
Are you doing well in school?:	yes
Do you have a lot of friends?:	enough
Are you happy with them?:	yes
Past of 2005:
Did 2005 treat you well?:	sometimes
Did it go by fast, slow, or at just the right pace?:	all of the above
Approximately how many parties did you go to?:	lol who knows i don't keep track
What was your biggest acheivement this year?:	starting school again (master's)
Did you change over 2005?:	it was an entire year....of course I changed (again stupid question)
Did your hairstyle change?:	lol again too many times to count
How much taller did you get from last year?:	i don't know!!!!!!1
Did you make new friends?:	yes
Did you lose any old friends?:	yes
Did you try new things?:	yes
Go places you've never been?:	yes (NYC!!!)
Do things you've never done?:	yes
Things you never thought you would do?:	yes
Have fun?:	yes
What do you miss most about 2005?:	I tend to not dwell on the past...what's the point?
If you could choose one thing to completely undo, what would it be?:	about 2005?? nothing
If you could choose one thing to redo (fix) what would it be?:	NYC
If you could choose one thing to relive, what would it be?:	NYC
Did 2005 have a big impact on your life?:	every minute of every day impacts all our lives in ways we could never imagine
Do you think 2006 will be better?:	define better
Was 2005 special?:	a lot of it was
Was it the best year for you?:	no
Future, mainly 2006
Have you made a resolution?:	no
What's one thing you will do differently in 2006?:	nothing
What are your goals?:	get through school
Do you feel fullfilled?:	sometimes
Are you going to learn something new from 2006?:	yes
What's one place you want to go?:	San Francisco
What's the main thing you want out of 2006?:	happiness
Back to this past year, have you bee..
Naughty or Nice?:	naughty duh!
Happy or Sad?:	both
Dull or Interesting?:	both
Boring or Fun?:	both
Cray or Normal?:	both
Wild or Calm?:	both
Mean or Kind?:	both
Caring?:	yes
Carefree?:	yes
Careless?:	yes
Careful?:	yes
Loud or Silent?:	both
Smart or Stupid?:	both
Last but not least..
Nine things you won't be able to live without. Go.
1.:	Sharah
2.:	Kara
3.:	Mom
4.:	Dad
5.:	Tracey
6.:	Daniel
7.:	My Laptop
8.:	My car---uh that was only 8!!! 9 would have been Avanti's
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!!

2006-03-17T08:55:00.000-06:00

Top O' the mornin'!

Ok so at this very time last year, I was either just getting ready to board the Statton Island Ferry in beautiful NYC or I was already on it! I can't believe it's been a year since the trip!

Anyway, in rememberence, I thought I'd post some photos from our day in Manahattan, St. Patrick's Day 2005.

The last picture is one of my sister and I on the Statton Island Ferry! The rest is just Manhattan, from China Town to the empire state building to central park to times square. I'll leave you, dear readers to figure it out b/c I don' t have time to caption them all :o) There is one, near the top that is the group of us standing in front of the NYC Public Library (you can't see it). I put it in there b/c there is only ONE person completely in focus (my twin sister) and it's just an AWESOME picture :o) )

Happy St. Patrick's Day NYC and everywhere else :o)

Long time, no post!

2006-03-16T09:59:00.000-06:00

Ok so long time no post! Quite a lot has happened actually. We had a couple F2 tornados come through town. Parts of town look unbelievablly bad, while others look like nothing happened. Some are still without power and the west side stores are closed for the most part. My whole family was lucky. The tornado JUMPED my mother's house, completely missed my dad's house, and just caused major downed trees and power problems for my sister's house. All in all, we were very lucky and got off so incredibly easy. That's been the big thing for me right now. Spring Break is this week, but I'm still working on school work (what do ya do?)...Went to Megan's Bachelorette party on Saturday night...dinner at Mariah's then headed over to Breaktime...it was FUN (well up until about 1:30 when a girlfriend of mine started dancing with this guy who looked EXACTLY like the guy who raped me in college....yeah that was a bit of a downer, but otherwise it was fun!)...Stayed with Sharah that night and got up with the kiddies so that she and her husband could sleep in...which means I get to party at the wedding and Sharah will DD :o) wooohoooo!!!!

That's about what's up in my life in the past week. Getting ready for my big sister and her family to visit on Tuesday so that's what's on my plate right now!

Check out the following link for some storm pictures.

http://www.sj-r.com/

OK Awesome Wicked site

2006-03-09T23:07:00.000-06:00

Awesome site on Wicked related things! Warning I got caught up in it and 2 hours had passed before I knew it!!!! Simply follow the links!

WOW!!! article about Steven Swartz and his coming up with the motif for Elphaba :o) NOTE: I had no idea (being far more interested in lyrics than the music) that the “unlimited” motif that runs throughout the play has the first 7 notes from “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”!!!! Cool :o)

“Schwartz was happy to speak about the ways he peppered his score with homages to Harold Arlen, who wrote the music for the movie THE WIZARD OF OZ. "What I thought was amusing and I wondered if people would get it, and of course people did, is that it's the first seven notes of 'Over the Rainbow.'" He plays from the section from "The Wizard and I" with the lyrics "Un-li-mi-ted, my fu-ture..."

Some fabulous comments on all the lyrics

Some great comments on the changes from the book to the musical

Cool article on Gregory Mcguire’s take on the music

Awesome trailer for the Wicked tour!!!!

OK well in case ya'll hadn't guessed by now, I LOVE WICKED!!!!! (as is evidenced by the positive adjectives used in this post lol :) )

Ok, it's official

2006-03-09T09:01:00.000-06:00

Click on title above for today's article. It's official, this blog is now for "serious" posts. The fun loving quizzes and such will now be found on the Wicked blog kk?

Alright...my points on this article.

1. Aren't newspapers supposed to be written at a 5th grade level? I THINK I understood it but I'm not sure (and maybe b/c I don't WANT it to say what I think it says)

2. Any help on interpretting the article is appreciated :o) So is the article saying that Bush supports giving control of some ports to foreigners (in this case in particular Middle Eastern foreigners) and the Senate is saying keep American ports in American hands? Because if that's what the article says (and I really think it does), I will be very very sad. For those of you who don't know I'm a pretty big Bush supporter, but it just keeps going down and down and down because in this instance I agree with the Senate. *sighs*

Upon Satan and Saints

2006-03-08T08:44:00.000-06:00

Well it's official. My professor is Satan. Bekah called him Satan when class first started, but I thought she was just joking around. Nope she wasn't, he is truly Satan in the flesh, up close and personal. Makes me wonder what the hell I was thinking going back to school! The REALLY annoying and sucky part about the whole thing is...I actually like him as a professor! I think it has something to do with the fact that I respect him and the fact that he is definitely all about not letting anyone sail through anything (not that any of my UIS profs are...but this one it's like that line from Bring it On where the head cheerleader says "I define being the best as competing against the best and winning." It's like, I define success as going up against the hardest professor and coming out with a great grade) How pathetic am I? Sometimes i really think I need a complete psychological work over! Ah well, looking on the bright side, if I can get the hell through this class, getting my doctorate should be a breeze since I'll have been there done that. However, I have to say that I have never in my life studied as much for one single test! 6 hours straight on Monday night and then 8 hours straight (no breaks) yesterday! God bless my mother, the Saint who tirelessly quizzed me for the entire 14 hours previously mentioned! The woman is the most amazing woman I've ever met! Mookie Rocks!

OK so maybe I need yet a third Blog

2006-03-06T15:20:00.000-06:00

Why? Click on the title above for the article I'm about to discuss. For a girl who doesn't usually get into politics (or commenting on news articles for that matter) I seem to be doing it a lot here! Sorry!

LOL ok reactions to the above article are.......mixed.

As those of you who know me know, I'm a firm supporter of pro-life and I think abortion is 150% wrong NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!! (and yes that no matter what includes instances of rape, incest, and even where the mother's life is in danger)...however, I don't think making it illegal is going to solve the problem. In fact, I believe it will probably only make it worse as women who want abortions will again be forced into backwoods doctors with dirty tables etc (think scene from Dirty Dancing). Does that help the situation? Nope, not a bit.

Points that I admire about this piece. SD governor! Way to stick up for what you believe in while acknowledging you could be wrong. Why do I say that's what he did? Because this legislation allows the existing legislation to be in effect until the legal battle is over as opposed to being in effect while it is being fought. Also kudos to the governor for his quote

“In the history of the world, the true test of a civilization is how well people treat the most vulnerable and most helpless in their society. The sponsors and supporters of this bill believe that abortion is wrong because unborn children are the most vulnerable and most helpless persons in our society. I agree with them,” Rounds said in the statement.

LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

Still, I don't think this is necessarily the way to go.

Ok I can't go with this

2006-03-05T20:11:00.000-06:00

Ok,here's the thing. Tracey's blog referenced this article. There's not enough information in it for me, however, I can't agree with the information that is provided.

I'm a Christian, and I truly do wish that everyone were. I also believe that our founding fathers were Christian and structured our government upon Christian ideals. However, one of those ideals was to not press any religious beliefs upon American citizens, a separation of church and state as it were. How can it be constitutional to endorse a state religion? I'm at a loss to answer that question, so if ya'll have an answer, I'd love to hear it!

On non related issues...I have been studying for my midterm Tuesday all day and my leg and thigh from sitting is killing me!!!! Oh and the study guide for this midterm (which I just received at noon today) is 43 pages long (1/2 inch margins all the way around) in Word. 43 pages!!!!! what the F$%^???

WOOHOO

2006-03-03T08:53:00.000-06:00

Ok 2 things

1. I have links!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!! (links to other pages above the Chatterbox :o) )
2. I have a new blog that's just for random things. Click link above. I know many of you will appreciate the template :o) If anyone wants to be a contributor to that random site let me know...I'm all about getting a group blog started :o)

Thanks kids!

Love,
me

As promised...The answers!!!!!

2006-03-03T08:01:00.000-06:00

Ok as promised, here are the answers from the “Impossible questions” from WDBR http://www.wfmb.com/pages/impossible.html

March 2, 2006
Q: A recent survey of 50,000 college studens revealed those who have this major are most likely to cheat...
A: Journalism

January 5, 2006
Q: Texas has the most of these with 410...Vermont has the fewest with 4. What is it?
A: Wal-mart stores

December 8, 2005
Q: On an average day in L.A. 9-1-1 operators get 35 calls about this...
A: The weather forecast

December 1, 2005
Q: Only 6% of Americans say they have NEVER used one of these. By comparison, 1/3 of U.S. adults say they use them regularly. Men and young adults use them most.
A: Curse words

November 17, 2005
Q: A recent survey asked Americans what's the worst thing you've ever eaten. The majority said...
A: Sushi

November 3, 2005
Q: 50% of have slept with one of these...
A: A remote

October 13, 2005
Q: It's estimated 1 in 50 of these are phony...
A: Doctors

May 5, 2005
Q: According to Inside TV Magazine, the #3 greatest TV mom is Calir Huxtable, #2 is June Cleaver, and who is #1?
A: Marge Simpson

April 21, 2004
Q: Who has appeared the most times on the cover of TIME Magazine?
A: The Virgin Mary

So I usu. don't bother much w/Government or at least posting on it

2006-03-02T18:17:00.000-06:00

But I can't help it. Article today in the State Journal Register pisses me off, big time!!!!

http://www.sj-r.com/sections/news/stories/80036.asp

I can't get over this! We have nursing homes ACROSS THE STATE that can't provide the proper care to their residents because the government hasn't paid their medicare/medicaid to said nursing homes since OCTOBER (and I'm talking about homes on the brink of closure b/c "there's no more money" from the government...bills that are already due to these places) and yet we can spend 1 MILLION FREAKING DOLLARS ON A LIGHT FIXTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SO INCREDIBLY GLAD I DIDN'T VOTE FOR "BLOW THE BITCH"!!!!! But damnit our representatives and senators need to get their heads out of their asses too

Wow...In Highschool I was 244%....me

2006-03-02T13:35:00.000-06:00

lol I love the math on this one...If anyone else understands it let me know :o)

You scored as Geek.

Geek

69%

Loner

63%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

31%

Drama nerd

31%

Ghetto gangsta

25%

Punk/Rebel

25%

Stoner

Goth

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com

hehe I got a whoppin 0% on this :o)

2006-03-02T11:06:00.000-06:00

OK so these questions are some questions I’ve found (I’ll post site with the answers). I find some of them highly disturbing and some of them funny, but none of them are what I wouldv’e answered. Try your hand at them…and I’ll post the answers tomorrow :o)

Fun times I swear :o)

Q: A recent survey of 50,000 college studens revealed those who have this major are most likely to cheat...

Q: Texas has the most of these with 410...Vermont has the fewest with 4. What is it?

Q: On an average day in L.A. 9-1-1 operators get 35 calls about this...

Q: Only 6% of Americans say they have NEVER used one of these. By comparison, 1/3 of U.S. adults say they use them regularly. Men and young adults use them most.

Q: A recent survey asked Americans what's the worst thing you've ever eaten. The majority said...

Q: 50% of have slept with one of these...

Q: It's estimated 1 in 50 of these are phony...

Q: According to Inside TV Magazine, the #3 greatest TV mom is Claire Huxtable, #2 is June Cleaver, and who is #1?

Q: Who has appeared the most times on the cover of TIME Magazine?

Wicked!

2006-03-01T13:51:00.000-06:00

Ok, so always a good pick me up....WICKED :o)cute bits of random information about the Chicago show! Fun times. Check it out!

http://www.broadwayworld.com/viewcolumn.cfm?colid=7110

Change is NOT good

2006-03-01T11:33:00.000-06:00

Ok so I know we are all supposed to be flexible and embrace change and it's supposed to be this big positive thing, but as far as I'm concerned, it SUCKS!

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do here. Jeff is leaving us! I worked soooo incredibly hard to him back and now it's all for naught! For those of you who don't know, Jeff is my boss. I've had several since I started here. First was Jeff, then we reorganized and it was someone else, then we reorganized and it was Jeff again (and I worked hard to make sure I was in Jeff's reorganization), then we reorganized again, and I was under someone else, then I worked really hard to change my position to be back under Jeff again. I LOVE my boss! He's the best boss and one of the greatest men in general that I've ever known! But now, he's leaving us!!!! I don't do well with change in who has control over me, and for those of you who don't know, my position can be one where I have autonomy (as Jeff allowed) or is also easy to micromanage (which some of the interim bosses tried and it SUCKED). I'm an autonomous individual when it comes to my job. Also, Jeff knew my career goals and plans and was one of those great bosses who worked with me to help me achieve those goals. The suckest part? His boss, who was also on my page with where I want to be and what it takes to get there, is leaving too! So I'm REALLY starting w/all new and it's driving me nuts.

They announced it this morning...effective...immediately...which also sucked...so right now to top off everything I'm in limbo and the answers such as "what's going to happen to the unit as a whole" etc. are unanswerable, which frustrates me b/c I'm a planner...I like to know all the details when you're gonna spring something unsavory on me!!!!!

Why is it that God tends to pull us out of our comfort zones, RIGHT when we've finally gotten them to be comfort zones? Just ONCE, I'd like the comfort zone to actually STAY a comfort zone for a little while! I need a break damnit!

Blast from the Past

2006-02-28T16:48:00.000-06:00

Ok so I found one of my favorite "paper journals" last night. It's this awesome journal with a picture of a butterfly on the front and the quote

This lifetime of yours...
Does it blossom?
Is it fun?
Does it glow at the center like a miniature sun?
Does it find it's own meaning in the great scheme of things?
Is there joy in it?
Beauty?
Does your life have wings?

Awesome quote if you ask me :o) (It's a Hallmark journal)

Anyway, there were a lot of things in it that I'd forgotten I wrote. I'll share some now.

06/10/2003
It occurs to me that as much as it hurts to be talked about behind your back, it almost hurts more to be the one doing the talking. We are all rather catty at work today...[in the journal I go into more detail, but as it involves other persons that part is cut...cut to later that night at Barnes and Noble]...Started reading Shine by the Newsboys and am going to jot down a few notes.
1. "And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know it for the first time" --TS Eliot
2. Brennan Manning "The gospel will persuade no one unless it has so convicted us that we are transformed by it"
3. Jesus said that we are the light of the world and to let our lives shine. it's a choice and we must enable Him to shine through us though for many reasons we allow only some light to show. These "shadow casters" are different for each of us yet we seem to have some in common, such as
a. The pace of our lives--"our problem is that we're neglecting the area of our lives that needs attention if we're going to shine: our spirits"
b. Us vs them--"once we've been forgiven, we forget that the only difference between "us" and "them" is grace."
c. Us vs them--" "We need to be strong in our faith, but not by our own might. Sometimes we forget that we aren't born Christian."
d. Us vs them--" Our focus has become what we are against rather than what we are for
e. The world as we (don't) know it

07/20/2003
Life isn't a formula. It's not a mold. It's not a guarantee. It simply is. And if we sit around waiting for it so that we can grab it, it will still be there but not as fully as when we embrace it and run to it not from it. The waiting will cause us to miss it because life has a tendancy and love of being sneaky.

11/15/2004
If we don't learn from a trial, it will keep coming up. No one fails God's class--you just keep retaking the test. Sometimes the questions like "why is God doing this, or letting this happen?" aren't meant to be answered. Sometimes evil and wrong can be less so because of good intentions behind them.

KK! I know those seem a bit disjointed but they were only glimpses into the journal. Remember the name of the blog :o)

Peace out!

Stolen from Tracey

2006-02-23T15:14:00.000-06:00

"Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the roar of its many waters. The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand; it never has and it never will." - Frederick Douglass

Comments? Thoughts?

Love

2006-02-22T09:29:00.000-06:00

Slow down for three minutes to read this.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8year-olds, "What does love mean?"The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could haveimagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody .

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."

Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)

Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

I love surveys!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-22T09:25:00.000-06:00

Ripped off from my dear tressiejane on live journal http://tressiejane.livejournal.com/

A - Available: eternally (lol this was T's answer but I love it so I'm keeping it)
A - Age: 25
A - Annoyance: only 24 hours in a day

B - Best Friends: kara, tracey, sharah, adrienne, bethany b, sarah, sarah
B - Bar: Bobby T's I guess since it's the only bar I go to occassionally (used to be Piccadilly's in Girard)
B - Birthday: Oct 2

C - Crush: don't have one...I gave them up for lent (2 years ago) *chuckle*
C - Car: my baby jordan :o) 99 grand am red
C - Cat(s): nope, allergic

D - Dead Pets Name: awww now why would I want to go thinking about that?????
D - Dads Name: daddy!!!!!! giggles no Kyle
D - Dog: George Washington McLintock, but he's really my mom's

E - Easiest Person To Talk To: tracey or bethany
E - Eggs: only if i'm REALLY in the mood
E - Email: lol several at the moment

F - Favorite Color: oooohh hard one...depends on what we're talking about, i love purples and pinks and greens and blues and reds mainly
F - Food: AVANTI'S
F - Foreign slang: mi piace (msp.)

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: down with gummy food!!!!! blech!!
G - God: Not keeping T's answer here (jury's out) B/c jury's in for me and it's a resounding affirmative!!!!!
G - Good Time: playing board games with friends or cruising with friends listening to music

H - Hair Color: i don't remember (lol)
H - Height: 5'5???
H - Happy: jury's still out

I - Ice Cream: mint chocolate chip or ben and jerry's chocolate fudge brownie
I - Instrument: lol yeah right...i can't even read music!!!!!
I - Idol: anyone that has proven multiple times to be a thoughtful, intelligent person that is not quick to judge and remains forgiving and patient to the last (That was T's answer but I realllly love it so I kept it)

J - Jewelery: as little as humanly possible!!!!!!
J - Job: sucks
J - Joke: two men walked into a bar, the third one ducked

K - Kids: a dozen at least :o)
K - Karate: lol um no
K - Kung Fu: lol again no

L - Longest Car Ride: Florida or Virgina Beach
L - Longest Relationship: official? 8 days
L - Love: my girls, my family, God

M - Milk Flavor: chocolate if I must
M - Mothers Name: Mama??? no really Carla Jean ( C. J. )
M - Movie Last Watched: In her Shoes (FABULOUS I highly reccommend it!!!)

N - Number of Siblings: 2 sisters, 1 brother and um an almost sister in law
N - Northern or Southern: lol a nice mixture of both
N - Name: lisa b. mcmahon (LOL this was T's answer HILARIOUS)

O - One Wish: happiness
O - One Phobia: not being able to move
O - Otter Pop: huh????

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: divorced
P - Part of your appearance you like best: eyes
P - Part of your personality you like best: shrugs don't know

Q - Quote: "If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise we do not believe in it at all." - Noam Chomsky (this again was T's answer and I liked it!!!!) Let's see my quote..."Remember, there are at least three sides to everything. Your view, my view, and the truth." Anon.
Q - Question for the next person: do I make you horny? (LOL I HAD TO LEAVE THAT!!!! That was T's question too funny giggle) My question is "what did you do today that made a difference?"
Q - Quick or Slow?: yes

R - Reason to smile: Nichole Nordemon on the radio right now
R - Reality TV Show: Idol that's it
R - Right or Left: Right (it amuses me that T's answer was a very large font capitalized left and yet she's probably my soulmate where friends are concerned grins I love it!!!!)

S - Song Last Heard: Brave by Nichole
S - Season: fall
S - Sex: i wouldn't complain (again I have to chuckle at T's answer b/c well it made me laugh out loud and caused people to look at me here at work giggle)...I however am a girl!

T - Time you woke up: 7:18 am
T - Time Now: 9:20 am
T - Time for bed: in between 10:30 and midnight

U - Unknown Fact about me: my guilty pleasure as far as music is concerned is brittney spears (I know I know it's sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
U - Unicorns: awwwww
U - U are: annoyed by people that won't type out whole words (such as 'you' and 'are') (I'm keeping T's answer b/c it's appropriate for me right now)

V - Vegetable you hate: peas!
V - Vegetable you love: corn
V - View on Politics: this isn't the forum for that and never will be!!!!

W- Worst Habits: procrastination
W- Where are you going to travel next: who knows?
W- Watchful: more like wary

X - X-Rays: one unless you count sonograms as an x-ray
X - X-Rated Porn: well, i've never starred in any...(LOL LOVE T's answer keeping it)
X - X-tra special someone: Riley Ann

Y - Year you were born: 1980
Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow: german chocolate

Z - Zoo Animal: elephants
Z - Zodiac: libra
Z - Zoolander: weird

Law and Order/CSI junkie that I am this was funny

2006-02-22T08:56:00.000-06:00

Not even "Law and Order" would attempt to capture this mess...
This is an unbelievable twist of fate!
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AFS President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:

On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to that effect, indicating his despondency.

However, as he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

"Ordinarily," Dr Mills continued, "Someone who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide." That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would nothave been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor, w here the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorouslyand he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus. When one intends to kill subject "A" but kills subject "B" in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject "B."

When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded.The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her.Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun in a threatening manner, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger.

The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus. Now, however, comes the deciding twist.

Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself, and the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

(Now, don't you feel a lot better just knowing this? You are so much better informed.)

Awesome Prayer Experience at The Gathering Last Night!

2006-02-21T08:35:00.000-06:00

Some notes from the Gathering on Saturday night.

A prayer by Thomas Merton

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself. And the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therfore will I trust you always. Though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Lyrics to "Everything" by Lifehouse

Find me here.
Speak to me.
I want to feel you.
I need to hear you.
You are the light that is leading me to the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength that keeps me walking.
You are the hope that keeps me trusting.
You are the life to my soul.
You are my purpose.
You are everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You still my heart and you take my breath away
Would you take me in?
Would you take me deeper now?

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Because you're all I want.
You're all I need.
You are everything.
Everything.

Self-Control

2006-02-17T11:51:00.000-06:00

Ok, so some thoughts from my pocket-ful of promises for women book today regarding Self-control.

My Daughter,

I have given you the spirit of power so that you can direct your steps in the path of righteousness. Your body is the temple of My Spirit, so lend yourself to the things that please Me. Don't allow your impulses or your emotions to rule your life, but rather give yourself over to Me and let My Spirit empower you to live a life for Me. ~ God

Brothers and sisters, you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you keep on following it, you will perish. But if through the power of the Holly Spirit you turn from it and its evil deeds, you will live.
Romans 8:12-13 NLT

Self-control is the ability to keep cool while someone is making it hot for you.

2006-02-16T10:44:00.000-06:00

So long time no post! I'm feeling ever so much better about life in general :o) Which is good as long as I don't truly examine the reasons why :o) So I don't intend to :o) I do know that there have been numerous temptations placed in my path the past 6 days which, again, I'm not too willing to examine deeply. I do know that at least the fact that the "opportunities" are there makes me feel, I don't know special, important, wanted, something that I can't completely articulate. Hmm, well that is that as they say :o)

So let's see what else. Oh right I remember. Taking a leaf out of my dear sister's book which she took from the book of the lovely Betania, what is on my desk?

An Exotic Islands calendar (last year was a castles calendar. I enjoy being able to escape even if only for a little while into the pictures of my calendars so :o) it works :o) Today I can escape to a lovely beach on Cuba at sunset...hmm nice)
A wedding invitation to my co-worker Megan's wedding on the 25th of March. Very pretty she made them herself.
A toy car that I caught at the all employee meeting last week.
A Christmas card from my dear friend Sarah in Peoria
The invitation and thank you card from my little Riley's 1st Birthday (for those of you who don't know Ms. Riley Ann G------ is one of my dearest friend's little girl who is 14 months old, but I consider her my own ;o))
The "Girlfriends" plaque from Riley's mom. It says "Girlfriends are much cheaper than therapists and a whole lot more fun. A girlfriend knows your deep dark secrets, but likes you anyway. Girlfriends are no farther away than the phone, even if its 4 am in the morning. A good girlfriend is hard to find, impossible to replace and never forgotten."
SEVERAL (6 individual) pictures of Riley.
2 pictures of Riley's brother Dalton, a wonderfully sweet and precocious 4 year old.
A picture of Jamie and her 2 sons (coworker)
A picture of Riley and her parents
A picture of Levi (Sarah from Peoria's son)
A picture of Madison Ann, my cousin's little girl.
2 pictures of Arin (My dear friend Adrienne's little girl)
A picture of my twin sister, Kara and I in NYC! My most prized picture :o)
Note here obviously I adore children!
A picture of Leigh and her daughter (coworker)
A turtle baby einstein party napkin as I adore turtles.
Paperclips
Phone
Our department's 2006 motivational scorecard paper
A list of all the 5 digit clerk codes of my coworkers
A phone list of my department
A list of several motivational and funny quotes I printed from an email
A box of tissues
A calculator (10 key)
A rubber finger
A dry-line liquid paper corrector (lol like I know the technical name of that)
2 mini-cupcakes which won't be here much longer as I intend to eat them.
A stapler
A print off of the "While Praying One Day..." that I have at the top of this blog
A poster a dear friend Sarah B------ made for me during an encouragement time
A "Dance Card" program from last year's IPCI VIP night which I coordinated.
A card from a co-worker which says "All things are possible with God"
My diploma from McK
A card made last year at one of our small group meetings in which the other girls wrote encouraging things on. I love it!
4 turtle figurines from my mother's turtle collection (again I love turtles! They get no where without first sticking out their necks!)
A teapot my mother got me (I also collect teapots) that holds my change for coffee.
A frame with two of the old 32 cent "Love" stamps from my grandmother
4 angel figurines
2 Carebears
A picture frame from my very first boss at Horace Mann, Joe! (I loved the man... he was awesome...still is I just don't work under him anymore). In it are 3 pictures. One of me, Kara, and Kara's good friend Nicole at our college senior luncheon. One of myself, Kara, Jennie R--- and Nellie T---- from our graduation party, and one of Kara and Nicole inside the shark mouth at the aquarium at Virginia Beach.
My CLIO certificate
My coat
A fan
My computer
Headphones
a pad of sticky notes
A magnet which says Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before, sing as though no one can hear you, live as though heaven is on earth--souza.
Various files and forms associated with my job

And THAT is my entire desk (it sounds like a lot, but it's really not :o) )

KK peeps. Peace out!

Two Pina Coladas

2006-02-10T11:46:00.000-06:00

Ok trying back for a daily post...We'll see. Ok here's the thing...According to my darling sister I missed an awesome prayer last night!!!! Which I HAD to do, (it enabled me to actually be at work on time for our company meeting as well as look ½ way decent for it (since it's recorded and there are cameras etc)), so I know that I had to, but why does all the cool stuff happen when I'm not there??? Grrrr Arg Wow Mutant Enemy!!!!!!!! Ah well, c'est la vie and par for the course with my life....hmm let me see..Employee meeting was good..Didn't win anything..Never do...Although I wouldn't have minded being one of the 25 people drawn for the recognition trip to the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas, no siree I wouldn't have minded at all!! Ahh well...I really need to find out how to get the job of our trip coordinator who gets to go on ALL the company trips EVERY year!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep I need that job something fierce! Hmm let's see..Listening to "Wicked" right now which makes me happy :o) OHHHHH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!! The most exciting part of my week is that my phone now rings

....Popular
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start
'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go:

How awesome is that????? I'm psyched :o) Hmmm let's see what else? I think that's it for right now...My bathroom should get finished this weekend and next weekend I'll get the stuff for it and maybe, just maybe some things can get back to normal! 2 papers to do this weekend, so I should be posting often LOL (hey a girl has got to have a break right????)

Love to all

Peace Out!

Long time, no see

2006-02-09T08:32:00.000-06:00

Wow so yeah, haven't posted in a couple of days huh? Well let's see what's up? Not a whole lot actually. Couple major prayer requests though. 1. my mama is really really sick right now. Doc says it's a flu bug on top of stress but it's been a LONG time since I've seen her so sick and 2. my brother lost his job last night, so prayer for a new job would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise not much else new. Work and school that's about it. Did finish "The Ultimatum" (book 3 in a series I started last year) on Tuesday (it was only released on Tuesday so that should say something about how good I thought it would be) and it was AWESOME. I really enjoy Susan Kearney. She speaks to me! Let's see what else...ohhhhh Jeremy Camp and Bethany Dillon are going to be in Spfld on Tuesday March 14, 2006. I don't think I can go b/c I have class but OH WAIT I can...it's Spring Break! Might just have to do that. I really enjoy Jeremy Camp and his voice is amazing (and deep!) for one so young. Let's see, I think that's about it in my world for right now.

Sissy, I need some help with my site sometime soon, kk??

Love to all!

2006-02-03T15:22:00.000-06:00

Quotes on Friendship

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit.Aristotle

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.Aristotle

The language of friendship is not words but meanings.Henry David Thoreau

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.Anne Morrow Lindbergh

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for our ability to amuse them." - Evelyn Waugh -

"A faithful friend is a strong defense: and he that hath found such an one hath found a treasure." - Ecclesiasticus 6:14 -

"Friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.." - George Washington -

"It's no good trying to keep up old friendships. It's painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it." - W. Somerset Maugham -

Quotes on Women

Her eyes are homes of silent prayers--Tennyson.

When a girl ceases to blush ,she has lost themost powerful charm of her beauty.--Gragery.

The best part of beauty is that which no picture can explain.--Bacon.

Random Poems that really have nothing to do with much, but I liked them

*Note--this next one has really nothing to do with the rest, I just like it
She Walks In Beauty
Poem lyrics of She Walks In Beauty by Lord Byron.
She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

*note again doesn't follow however, it's hauntingly pretty...still trying to interpret it though
A Prayer For My Daughter
Poem lyrics of A Prayer For My Daughter by William Butler Yeats.
Once more the storm is howling, and half hid
Under this cradle-hood and coverlid
My child sleeps on. There is no obstacle
But Gregory's wood and one bare hill
Whereby the haystack- and roof-levelling wind.
Bred on the Atlantic, can be stayed;
And for an hour I have walked and prayed
Because of the great gloom that is in my mind.
I have walked and prayed for this young child an hour
And heard the sea-wind scream upon the tower,
And-under the arches of the bridge, and scream
In the elms above the flooded stream;
Imagining in excited reverie
That the future years had come,
Dancing to a frenzied drum,
Out of the murderous innocence of the sea.
May she be granted beauty and yet not
Beauty to make a stranger's eye distraught,
Or hers before a looking-glass, for such,
Being made beautiful overmuch,
Consider beauty a sufficient end,
Lose natural kindness and maybe
The heart-revealing intimacy
That chooses right, and never find a friend.
Helen being chosen found life flat and dull
And later had much trouble from a fool,
While that great Queen, that rose out of the spray,
Being fatherless could have her way
Yet chose a bandy-legged smith for man.
It's certain that fine women eat
A crazy salad with their meat
Whereby the Horn of plenty is undone.
In courtesy I'd have her chiefly learned;
Hearts are not had as a gift but hearts are earned
By those that are not entirely beautiful;
Yet many, that have played the fool
For beauty's very self, has charm made wise.
And many a poor man that has roved,
Loved and thought himself beloved,
From a glad kindness cannot take his eyes.

Light at the end of the Tunnel

2006-02-03T08:44:00.000-06:00

Ok, so all in all prayer last night was a very positive time :o) I didn't really feel like going, but one should not only worship God when one "feels" like it sooooo, I went. All in all, I felt....loved which is kind of this oxymoronic thing for me given everything, but boy was it cool :o) I didn't sing last night, I just listened and there is still something so incredibly powerful about a group of believers with their voices lifted high for God. It's overwhelming and took every last bit of me not to cry from the beauty of it :o) Afterwards, Mrs. S--- and Ms. S--- (lol I think I shall revive the whole London gossip column circa mid nineteenth century with the whole "and then Lady S---- dumped tea in the lap of Lady W---" etc. Yep, I shall definitely be reviving the gossip column from the London hehehe). Anyways, I digress. Afterwards, Mrs. S---and Ms. S--- needed to finish their counseling class and I volunteered to be the victim, er, patient (*grin*) for Mrs. S---. To tell the truth I wasn't going to go into the issues that I went into. I was GOING to talk about the problem of being torn between Mama and Daddy, but somehow my loneliness and desire for friends along with some other problems that I'll post about later after I've moved to resolving some of them came out. Hmm talk about deep stuff. Didn't quite intend to go there. But, surprisingly it was great. I have an action plan with one thing and once that gets fixed (lol if I can ever pin down the person in question between two very hectic schedules), I can start working on the relationship thing. I feel better about it all, but there's still some residual issues regarding with whom those relationships could be. Somewhere along the line, I seriously lost my ability to actually form deep friendships and it still seems as if those persons with whom I want those deep relationships are a bit "off-limits" to me. *sigh then shrug* ah well. que cera cera (misp?).

God, thank you for encouraging me to attend last night even though it's really the last thing on the planet that I wanted to do. Thank you for placing people in my life from whom I can learn so much. Thank you for having a plan that's bigger than I can see and is so much better than anything I could imagine for myself. Help soften my heart, God. Help bring down the wall of protectiveness, both for myself and others in my life, that keep others out of my life and me truly out of their lives. Help mend some torn relationships God. Help me to find rest and peace in this craziness (both emotionally and physically) life has been lately. Guide my steps and let all of it only be for You God, because that's when everything falls into place and life settles down. Thank you, God, for all that You are, all that You do, and all that You have instore for us. I love You!

Weird flashback song

2006-01-30T13:07:00.000-06:00

p-a-s-s-i-o-n
got me in a jam again
there's no way that I can win
p-a-s-s-i-o-n

(Song: P-A-S-S-I-O-N Artist: rhythm Syndicate)

Ok that song has NOTHING to do with my life right now, but I heard it on the radio at lunch today and there was a nostalgic moment again b/c I haven't heard that song since Jr. High! I just thought I'd share. It's one of those songs you never hear anymore kind of like "I love you period".

I do believe that may be all I have to say today. I'm still blah. I'm very not used to this being blah 90% of the time (I'd say 100% except that yesterday had some very unblah times in P-town b/c I was concentrating really really hard to be not blah). Perhaps I should take mom's suggestion. *sigh*

drained

2006-01-27T15:26:00.000-06:00

So, I'm physically and emotionally drained today. Case and point, I wore one black loafer and one brown loafer today. It's a good thing that I had my tennis shoes in my car. Next case and point, my boss said I didn't look too good today, and Jeff wouldn't say it unless I really looked bad. The beady little can barely open my eyes look I'm sure doesn't help.

Too crazy to post much and at the same time too unmotivated to post much. Funny combination, having the feeling of too much and shut down all at the same time.

So there you are.

These express my thoughts and feelings so much better than I ever could. Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

The Message (MSG)

Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

28"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. 29Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 30Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Pull Away from http://poetry-child.livejournal.com/

Maybe I shouldn't get to close
'Cause it might happen again
Maybe I shouldn't share so much
And make it harder for you to get in
Maybe I'm scared of the past
And I'm afraid it will just repeat
I'll let myself get to close
Right when you decide it's time to retreat
So maybe I shouldn't
Or maybe I should
Give you the chance to see my heart
Maybe I should just pull away
Before you do so first

Running on Empty from http://poetry-child.livejournal.com/

I sit here alone in my room
Writing down my thoughts
I sit here wondering who I am
And where this road is taking me
I sit here writing, thinking, dreaming
Feeling something is missing
I keep moving on
Moving through life
But it seems I'm running dry
No matter how, no matter when
No matter how hard I try
I keep pressing on, keep moving forward
Forgetting I'm running on empty
Running on empty, running alone
Pressing forward without a thought
I keep moving on, not looking back
But forgetting what I need most
I'm running on empty
Not stopping to fill my soul
Not taking time
For the One who makes me whole
Running on empty, running alone
Forgetting my Maker
Feeling alone

Nostalgia

2006-01-26T11:28:00.000-06:00

Way doing the nostalgia thing today. LOL found my old Ace of Base CD and old Spice Girls CD. You know those guilty pleasure sort of songs that you can't believe you ever enjoyed but brings back such happy memories that you still actually like them????? Yeah doin that right now. The crazy thing is my computer will not remain consistent on the volume so when I turn the soft songs up all of a sudden the next song will be sooo loud!!!! LOL there is no hiding what I'm listening to :o) It's some fun times actually!

ughhhh!

2006-01-25T19:57:00.000-06:00

Ok so I'm sitting here really trying to do my homework, but it is so discouraging for me, allow me to share some reasons why.

Research methods is kicking my butt. The assignments are horrendous and I barely understand what's going on and by time I do my head hurts so bad I can't actually get any work done.
My online classes are driving me batty. They really take a LONG LONG LONG time and it drives me insane when a professor asks a "discussion question" that is one that has an actual answer. For example a question such as "Who coined the phrase "global village". There is no discussion there. It's Marshall McLuhan plain and simple. If you're going to have discussion questions, darnit, ask questions that we can DISCUSS!!!!!!!!!!!! (I don't think I can possibly express my extreme level of frustration here!!!!!!!!!!!)
This computer screen gives me a headache after reading it for so long.
This semester is incredibly more overwhelming than last semester ever came close to being. Every single time I sit down to work on school I have an overwhelming urge to burst into tears, this is NOT a good thing. However, it causes me to go into procrastination mode which again, is not a good thing.

UGGHHHHH!!!!!

How Great is Our God?

2006-01-24T11:32:00.000-06:00

Ok quick post here. I was just thinking about Chris Tomlin's song "How Great is Our God" and in some correspondence was mentioning it and was it indeed by Chris Tomlin. That's not the point. The point is that I had been thinking about it and it had been echoing in my mind when all of a sudden.......it came on the radio! How wonderful is that? I ask you? How Great is Our God?

Lyrics

The splendor of the King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God (x2)

It occurs to me in regards to my living situation

2006-01-23T08:23:00.000-06:00

So church yesterday morning was cool. There was this artist who painted a baptism scene during the P&W at the beginning and, let me tell you, this painting was AMAZING! The message was boring for me, but ah well you can't have it all. A group then went out to Chili's afterwards, but it took them about an hour to decide that so I had to go since I needed to be at daddy's that afternoon.

Speaking of which, that went well. He was in a GREAT mood (probably due to the woman with him whom I don't know...I'm losing track, really I am). We talked about when I'm "coming home" which poses some dilemma's for me.
What I like about Daddy's:
1. my own space!!!!!!!!! (that should probably count 10 times b/c it's hugely important for me)
2. The internet
3. easy access to do laundry
4. my bed!!!! (again this should count multiple times)
5. TV
6. of course Daddy
What I like about Mama's
1. Being in town (this should probably count 10 times b/c it's also hugely important for me)
2. Mama
3. Convenience for school
What I dislike about Daddy's
1. Being so far away from town
2. The comfortableness I slip into. (This would normally not be a bad thing, being comfortable where you are, however, it doesn't actually make me happy, but I'm comfortable enough not to do anything about it which can be dangerous in the longrun)
What I dislike about Mama's
1. not being able to do laundry when I need to b/c 4 other adults in the house
2. 4 other adults in the house
3. CRAZY hours

That's about it with the major things. *sigh* I really just don't know.

It occurs to me about myself

2006-01-22T15:36:00.000-06:00

So it occurs to me that all of my problems with everyone this past year has been entirely and completely my fault. Last night's Gathering (if you are reading this and don't know what the Gathering is stay tuned for links to the Young Adult Ministry with West Side Christian Church in Springfield, IL) introduced the spring topic of community. Having spent so much of last semester exploring the concept of individual-in-community especially how it relates to postmodern Christianity, the message struck a deep chord with me. A chord that has been trying to come to the surface for a long time. When talking about the Bet Ab and Mishpaha and our inherent need and purpose for living life together, it made me realize that I do want this and I do need this and I have been thoughtlessly, carelessly, and stubbornly refusing it.

Years and Years ago I intentionally built a wall of independent self-preservation that I've let incredibly few people penetrate. It was created little by little since high school but it was completed in grand style as a result of one Margaret Elizabeth Hart. It was a happy wall for me for quite a while although my personality took quite a hit, a sacrifice for which I still haven't determined the worth. However, as time passed, I've found that my natural optimism has taken a hit as well with the independent self-preservation model of my life. I HATE that. I hate it more that I hate anything else or have ever hated anything else.

The problem is I don't know how to fix it.

It occurs to me in regards to online classes

2006-01-20T08:35:00.000-06:00

It occurs to me that online classes are really not my cup-o-tea. I like the ability to actually be able to respond to the thoughts presented by other people whenever I like which doesn't always happen in a physical class environment due to others speaking and me either becoming distracted by their thoughts or forgetting what I was going to say completely. However, that means it takes me twice as long for class since I tend to respond and type a lot and because it takes a long time to navigate through everyone's responses especially when the subject lines are all the same. Also, it is an online forum. Having been terribly burned by online forums before, I am highly skeptical about the benefits of CMC to begin with. We'll have to see how the class progresses.

On another note, prayer last night was good. I don't know why, but I'm still tentative on the praying out loud thing which I'm forcing myself to get over since I volunteered to lead next week, which is a decision over which I have mixed feelings. I have felt very convicted for the past week to lead (like it's been on my mind more than any other one thing non school or work related this whole week) but it's WAY out of my comfort zone. This is not necessarily a BAD thing, just something that needs careful handling. When out of my comfort zone, I KNOW I have a tendency to put up defenses and just plow through it. This is most definitely NOT what I want to do next Thursday. In reality, this is NOT what I want to ever do. I sincerely miss the me I was without the defenses, yet I'm very unsure how to get back to that state of mind. God and I seriously need to be working on that.

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

It occurs to me that I am way overbooked this weekend

2006-01-19T16:32:00.000-06:00

So I will get to see My Tracey this weekend YEAH!!!!!!! Working my weekend schedule around that since her exact comments were "We are spending time together. No questions asked." therefore, I will maneuver my life around whatever she has in mind (actually would love to spend the weekend with her at her house since I could use some T-time and some away from family time but we'll see). However, my to do list is extensive

Research homework (150 pages to read and paper topics to come up with for papers due one a week starting on the 31st)

Clean the drywall dust off of EVERYTHING in my room at Dad's so that I can start staying there some since I need the internet and also need some time away from craziness at Mom's

Gathering Saturday night

Church Sunday morning (which Kara says is supposed to be awesome)

Homework for both online classes

Laundry

Sharah wants me to come over on Friday night which is AWESOME and I wanna I miss just hanging with her and I miss my baby girl Riley

and Of course! CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND FOR THE NFL.

I will NOT get all of this accomplished this weekend and it's driving me nuts having so much to do, but I can't figure out what to get rid of. *sigh*

It occurs to me...

2006-01-19T08:26:00.000-06:00

It occured to me last night as I did some organizing for school and came to the realization that school is indeed gonna kick my ass. Not only contentwise but with the amount of out of class work this semester. MUCH more than last semester. Hopefully work will remain slow for a while!

On an off topic, but still on topic, while organizing myself I was listening to the Wicked Soundtrack on my computer over and over and over last night. Below are the lyrics from some of my favorite songs. If you haven't heard any yet, DROP EVERYTHING AND GO BUY IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!

Ok are you back from the store? If you haven't gone yet to buy the CD, do so before continuing on.

Follow directions this time? Good. Make sure to listen to the following songs. The first touches me for the same reason that "Unknown" and the songs previously mentioned touched me. As Captivating points out, I am a woman therefore I long to be romanced. However, I face a world where that seems to be, impossible. The second song is a wonderful song about not conforming to the masses, especially if the masses are involved in things that go against your morals, and the third is a wonderful song of friendship and how every person we encounter has at least some effect on the person we are while others in our life have a monumental effect on who we are!

Please note, I'm not listing them as the cut and paste pasted this way and being at work, I don't have time to correct.

I'm not that Girl

ELPHABAHands touch, eyes meetSudden silence, sudden heatHearts leap in a giddy whirlHe could be that boyBut I'm not that girl:Don't dream too farDon't lose sight of who you areDon't remember that rush of joyHe could be that boyI'm not that girlEv'ry so often we long to stealTo the land of what-might-have-beenBut that doesn't soften the ache we feelWhen reality sets back inBlithe smile, lithe limbShe who's winsome, she wins himGold hair with a gentle curlThat's the girl he choseAnd Heaven knowsI'm not that girl:Don't wish, don't startWishing only wounds the heartI wasn't born for the rose and the pearlThere's a girl I knowHe loves her soI'm not that girl:

Defying Gravity

GLINDA(spoken) Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm foronce, instead of flying off the handle!(sung) I hope you're happy!I hope you're happy nowI hope you're happy how youHurt your cause foreverI hope you think you're clever!ELPHABAI hope you're happyI hope you're happy, tooI hope you're proud how you Would grovel in submissionTo feed your own ambitionBOTHSo though I can't imagine howI hope you're happy right nowGLINDA(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:(sung) You can still be with the WizardWhat you've worked and waited forYou can have all you ever wanted:ELPHABA(spoken) I know:(sung) But I don't want it - No - I can't want itAnymore:Something has changed within me Something is not the sameI'm through with playing by the rulesOf someone else's gameToo late for second-guessingToo late to go back to sleepIt's time to trust my instinctsClose my eyes: and leap!It's time to tryDefying gravityI think I'll tryDefying gravityAnd you can't pull me down!GLINDACan't I make you understand?You're having delusions of grandeur:ELPHABAI'm through accepting limits'Cuz someone says they're soSome things I cannot changeBut till I try, I'll never know!Too long I've been afraid ofLosing love I guess I've lostWell, if that's loveIt comes at much too high a cost!I'd sooner buyDefying gravityKiss me goodbyeI'm defying gravityAnd you can't pull me down:(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we coulddo: together.(sung) UnlimitedTogether we're unlimitedTogether we'll be the greatest team There's ever beenGlinda - Dreams, the way we planned 'emGLINDAIf we work in tandem:BOTHThere's no fight we cannot winJust you and IDefying gravityWith you and IDefying gravityELPHABAThey'll never bring us down!(spoken) Well? Are you coming?GLINDAI hope you're happyNow that you're choosing thisELPHABA(spoken) You too(sung) I hope it brings you blissBOTHI really hope you get itAnd you don't live to regret itI hope you're happy in the endI hope you're happy, my friend:ELPHABASo if you care to find meLook to the western sky!As someone told me lately:"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"And if I'm flying soloAt least I'm flying freeTo those who'd ground meTake a message back from meTell them how I amDefying gravityI'm flying highDefying gravityAnd soon I'll match them in renownAnd nobody in all of OzNo Wizard that there is or wasIs ever gonna bring me down!GLINDAI hope you're happy!CITIZENS OF OZLook at her, she's wicked!Get her!ELPHABA:Bring me down!CITIZENS OF OZNo one mourns the wickedSo we've got to bring herELPHABAAhhh!CITIZENS OF OZDown!

For Good

ELPHABAI'm limited:Just look at me - I'm limitedAnd just look at you -You can do all I couldn't do, GlindaSo now it's up to you(spoken) For both of us(sung) Now it's up to you:GLINDAI've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reasonBringing something we must learnAnd we are ledTo those who help us most to grow If we let themAnd we help them in returnWell, I don't know if I believe that's trueBut I know I'm who I am todayBecause I knew you:Like a comet pulled from orbitAs it passes a sunLike a stream that meets a boulderHalfway through the woodWho can say if I've been changed for the better?But because I knew youI have been changed for goodELPHABAIt well may beThat we will never meet againIn this lifetimeSo let me say before we partSo much of meIs made of what I learned from youYou'll be with meLike a handprint on my heartAnd now whatever way our stories endI know you have re-written mineBy being my friend:Like a ship blown from its mooringBy a wind off the seaLike a seed dropped by a skybirdIn a distant woodWho can say if I've been changed for the better?But because I knew you:GLINDABecause I knew you:BOTHI have been changed for goodELPHABAAnd just to clear the airI ask forgivenessFor the things I've done you blame me forGLINDABut then, I guess we knowThere's blame to shareBOTHAnd none of it seems to matter anymoreGLINDA ELPHABALike a comet pulled Like a ship blownFrom orbit as it Off it's mooringPasses a sun, like By a wind off theA stream that meets Sea, like a seedA boulder, half-way Dropped by a Through the wood Bird in the woodBOTHWho can say if I've been changed for the better?I do believe I have been changed for the better?GLINDAAnd because I knew you:ELPHABABecause I knew you:BOTHBecause I knew you:I have been changed for good

Down with Men

2006-01-18T10:49:00.000-06:00

It occurs to me that sometimes being a female really sucks. You don't see guys getting emotional and/or bitchy like clockwork once a month, nor do you see them curled in fetal positions trying to rid themselves of incredibly uncomfortable pain in places one has a tendency to forget even exists! DOWN WITH MEN (at least for today, I'll probably change my mind when I'm no longer gushy and in pain but who knows, maybe not)

Hell on Earth

2006-01-18T08:55:00.000-06:00

So for the first time in my life, I actually cried after the FIRST night of a class. Now granted I was PMSing and stressed out already so we have to take that into consideration. However, at least half of it was indeed the class. I am terrified of this research class. First off, I understood about 1/3 of what was said last night and that's it and that's totally unusual for me. I think the professor is going to be ok and he seems to be a nice guy, except that he's really smart and, this is the clincher here, he knows it! One of the girls from class calls him Satan. I've already spoken with several of the other girls some of whom have tried taking the class before and ended up having to drop due to the difficulty. Also, many of the students are in their final semester or this is their final class b/c it has that bad of a reputation. You know me, I'm not usually into the whole other people's opinions DICTATING my own, shaping it and having input into it of course, but not dictating it. However, from what I can tell from the syllabus, the textbook, and the brief synopsis the Prof gave last night, MY opinion is quickly becoming that this class is going to kick my ass. If anyone out there has any experience with Research Methods in Communication or Statistics, PLEASE let me know!!!!!!!

It occurs to me in regards to school

2006-01-17T13:18:00.000-06:00

(above is a pic of my big sis, Michele who lives in Lakewood, CO)

It occurs to me that perhaps I didn't quite know what I was getting into with this whole work full-time (40+ hours per week) and go to school full time (12 credit hours). It also occurs to me that while I thought online classes would be infinitely more convienient for me, I'm beginning to think this possibly isn't so given the syllabi for the classes that I'm enrolled in this semester. I have so very little time away from work where I actually have access to the internet and a girl can only spend so much time in Panera. At this rate it's going to put me on campus MORE in reality than last semester. We'll have to see if we can't come up with something on that.

On another note, I am anticipating Thursday night. This is actually quite a wonderful change for me considering it's been a while since I've anticipated a church event. (Thursday nights we have started a new prayer meeting with the Young Adult Ministry henceforth known as YAM). Last week was truly amazing. I was the only one who didn't pray aloud since I am still a bit wary of doing so especially in the group setting that the Thursday prayer is, however the worship time and the good deal of time spent simply praying for each other was refreshing and I'm happy about it. I do hope it continues to thrive.

On yet another note, I have been feeling extremely ummmm edgy and dissatisfied lately, like A LOT and I know it's been playing out in my relationships with others and God. Not sure what to do about that.

Fav Lyrics

2006-01-16T19:11:00.000-06:00

Just for fun I thought I'd add some lyrics from some of my all-time-favorite songs. If you pay attention to the lyrics it plays a lot into what Captivating is saying. Like A LOT. Funny how they all play into each other

Unknown
by Chely Wright

Fire and rain is my favorite song
I say a prayer at 11:11
I could watch old movies all night long
I'm not sure about hell but I know there's a heaven
Sometimes I feel so alone it scares me
I talk in my sleep but there's no one to hear me

Unknown
I don't want to be unknown
The little things that make me who I am
I need to share
I need to know that someone cares
That I drink coffee black
That I sing when I drive
That I sleep with the TV on
More than anything
I don't want to be unknown

I love September when leaves turn gold
I get nervous in crowded places
Someday I want to see San Francisco
I'm bad with names, but remember faces
I need more than a kiss, more than a lover
I'm a world that's just waiting to be discovered

UnknownI don't want to be unknown
The little things that make me who I am
I need to share
I need to know that someone cares
That I write down my dreams
That I love when it rains
I burn candles when I'm alone
More than anythingI don't want to be unknown

More than anything
No one wants to be unknown

*Note* This song has plagued me for years. I still feel it.

Faithfully
by Journey

Highway run
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go 'round and 'round
You're on my mind
Restless hearts
Sleep alone tonight
Sendin' all my love
Along the wire
They say that the road ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully
Circus life
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns
To make us smile
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am
Lost without you
And being apart ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully
Whoa, whoa, faithfully
I'm forever yours
Ever yours
Faithfully

*Note* My all-time favorite song but it helped my best friend in college with her long distance relationship more than it ever helped me

Lay It Down (Song for a Prodigal)
(Nichole Nordeman)

To every son and daughter
Wayward and long gone
The love of a father
Will leave the light on

Tried to throw you off track
A needle in a haystack
I don't know how you found me
Or why you let me come back

'Cause it's a long way home when all you're left to carry
Is a heart of stone and the weight of most the world
And I'd like to?

Lay it down a little
Lay it down a lot
I don't want to hold it anymore
Lay it down in pieces
Lay it down in whole
Everything I've carried on my own
Lay it down, lay it down
Lay it down, lay it down

I spent your money
Living on the fringes
But you threw a party for me
Invited all your big friends

And I have learned a little bit about a heavy load
All that gleams and glitters is not worth its weight in gold
And I know I should?

*Note* I wasn't overly impressed with these lyrics until I heard the music then I was like "Wow" I can't get over it and went back an reexamined them. Again, truly believing that I am this important to God is a bit hard for me

Live
(Nichole Nordeman, Jay Joyce)

Did you come that we might just survive?
Did you come so we could just get by?
Did you walk among us
So we might merely limp along beside?

I was bound, I have been set free
But I have settled for apathy
Did you come to make me new
And know I'd crawl right back into the skin you found me in?

It's where I am, not where I've been

You make me want to live
You make me want to live
You came to shake us
And to wake us up to something more
Than we'd always settled for
And you make me want to live

We've all been up on the mountain top
A golden glow that?s bound to soon wear off
Then it's back to the mundane telling tales of glory days
When we were hopeful that this change was here to stay

So why would a young man
Live in a waste land
When the castle of his dreams is standing by?
Why would a princess
Put on an old dress
To dance with her beloved and a chance to catch his eye?

*note* I cry reading these lyrics still. Letting go of the past is hugely hard just like with laying it down at His feet.

Naked
Avril Lavigne
I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes

But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
Oh, you've made me trust

Because I've never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself and let the
Covers fall away
I guess I never had someone like you
To help me, to help me fit
In my skin
I never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm naked
Oh oh yeah
Does it show?
Yeah, I'm naked
Oh oh, yeah yeah
I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna (you're gonna) see right through, baby
you're gonna see right through,
i'm so naked around you,
and i can't hide,
you're gonna see right through, baby

*Note* the counterpoint to "Unknown" is this song. I've never felt I've been here with ANYONE in my life whether romantically, or simply in a frienship or any relationship where I feel I can be myself. Why is it that it's so hard to find people who can simply love you for who you are and not turn away at the slightest hint that there are deep issues????????????????????

hmmm

2006-01-16T18:46:00.000-06:00

Ok well I've never truly been good at blogging so much but I thought I'd give it a try as I intend to be online more often due to the online classes. I've been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge and therefore the name for this blog. It's been intense. Like I read the first chapter twice, once for me and then was reading it outloud to my mother who disagreed with many of the thoughts in it, but it's hard to talk to my mom about my inner beliefs and feelings since sometimes I wonder if she's EVER felt the same as I have considering so many times she honestly doesn't understand what I'm talking about when I talk about my life but, whatever. I guess what strikes me about Captivating is that I totally understand what it's saying as every feeling in it. I especially like chapter 2. It's an extremely "feel good about being a woman" chapter and I think I should read it every day to remind myself that I am extremely important and special in God's eyes which I've been having a tremendously hard time remembering lately with all the drama and the deluge of emotions going on inside.